Growing Up
by emichii
Summary: Karin and Yuzu are growing up. Yuzu is as sweet as ever, but Karin has become cold and distant. Hitsugaya's coming back to Karakura, and he's going to be surprised.
1. High of 75

**  
Disclaimer: Hi everyone! emichii here! This is my new hitsukarin fanfic! I hope you enjoy it! By the way, I don't own Bleach! **

Growing Up

A hitsukarin fic by emichii

_  
But I'll wait outside  
Hoping that I'll catch sight of the sun.  
_

**Chapter 1- High of 75 **

_We were talking together  
I said, "what's up with this weather?"  
Don't know whether or not  
How sad I just got  
Was of my own volition.  
Or if I'm just missing the sun_

And tomorrow, I know,  
Will be rainy at best.  
And the forecast, I know,  
Is that I'll be depressed.

---

The teenage girl walked sullenly down the streets, alone. Her scowl remained somewhat permanently on her face, and she kept her hands pushed down deep into her pockets, and her chin down under her scarf as she made her way through the cold.

The temperature was getting colder these days. And the sky grew darker earlier now, as the weather made its yearly change into winter. She rolled her eyes to herself as she thought about what her dad would say about her lateness. The earphones of her iPod were firmly in her ears and the music blasting its way through her thoughts.

It wasn't fair anyway. She always got home at this time now. Dad was a moron for making them come home so early. Besides, _he _always got away with it now.

She shook her head as she felt the bitterness in her heart fire up. Bloody hell. Stupid Ichigo.

---

The breeze made her almost shoulder-length black hair blow past her face as she stomped her way down the street, in a foul mood as always.

She suddenly stopped, angry as the music in her earphones was being interrupted by another sound. She could feel the pressure behind her, it was moving and present. Turning around quickly, she yanked out the earphones and snapped, "For crying out loud, would you leave me alone?"

The two ghosts behind her shrank back from her outburst. One of them was the first to recover, pouting. "Karin, you're always complaining and whining about us, but you always look after us anyway. 'cause you know you can't help but care for others."

"Oh, shut up." grumbled Karin as she reached up to replace her earphones.

The smaller ghost, which resembled a small girl of about eleven, hid behind the first one. But she poked out her head and said, "You know we try not to follow you around all the time. It's only when we need you."

"It still frigging annoys me," Karin said bluntly.

"Heh heh," the first ghost, a woman, chuckled. "That's what's so great about you, Karin! You always grumble and complain, but you can't help being the compassionate person you are!"

Karin said nothing and blatantly ignored them.

_Why have I got to be the one to carry all these burdens by myself? Why am I the only one left here in Karakura that has to deal with all these stupid spirits and ghosts?? _She thought to herself bitterly.

_Those stupid shinigami have all gone away to who-knows-where and Ichi-nii's gone with them! Yuzu still doesn't have much spiritual ability, and between Jinta, Ururu and me- there's no way we can deal with all of these nuisances! _

Karin frowned harder as she picked up the pace.

_Plus, none of us can do konso, so the amount of spirits lurking around here gets larger, which means the Hollows come more often, which means we keep having to kill the Hollows ourselves, which means we keep running out of class and home and everything, which is why I'm late tonight! _

Not that that was a liable excuse to use for her father.

She felt the chilling pressure behind her rise eerily. And immediately, somewhere down her throat she felt like she might throw up. She bit her lip as the goosebumps rose up on her arms.

"Karin…" the smaller ghost whimpered softly. "It's here…!"

Karin sighed heavily as she reached in her pocket and turned up the iPod to a higher volume, trying to blast out all of her troubles.

"Stay behind me," she muttered grumpily, as she turned.

The Hollow was now in front of her. It was very large and towered high above her, with a very wide head and a mean-looking face past its mask. Its spiritual pressure and energy seemed to take the form of wisps of smoke and it rose and fell all around Karin. Karin screwed up her nose.

What to do… what to do…

It was simple to take out small and weaker Hollows by booting a soccer ball to their head. But Isshin had been getting suspicious and annoyed from the amount of soccer balls she'd been going through these past weeks. He'd restricted her to buying only three new soccer balls a week, which was a real hindrance to her cause.

It was such a shame she didn't have a huge metal bat like Jinta or a charm-covered canon like Ururu.

Still… she could feel the heavy and scared pulsing of the ghosts' pressure and she clenched her fists.

She looked up at the Hollow. It was growling and all of a sudden, it swung a huge scaled arm down towards her. Karin doubled back and leapt up over it as it went crashing into the ground, leaving huge cracks in the sidewalk. Landing nimbly on her feet, she replaced an earphone that had fallen out as she scanned the area for something that might help.

The Hollow was very tall and she frowned as she planned out a strategy. She noticed a telephone booth and using a bench nearby as a launching pad, clambered onto it. Now on her hands and feet up there, she worried for the two ghosts that were quaking immensely behind the booth.

The building nearby was empty, apart from a flickering light in an upper-storey room. Karin grunted as she ducked from the Hollow's arm coming towards her. She watched as the Hollow made its way towards the ghosts.

The older ghost held the younger ghost in its arms and the little girl was crying. "Karin!!" she wailed. "Help us!"

And Karin knew it. As much as she'd tried these last years, to hold it all back, to become as cold and detached as possible from her family and the rest of her world… as much as she'd kept everything to herself, everything… the pain and suffering and loneliness… all these burdens and responsibilities she so grudgingly took care of…

Inside, her heart still ached for them.

Because as cold as Karin had become, trying so hard to create this tough shell around her, it was only to protect. And inside, she cared.

The tears ran down the little ghost's face and Karin scowled as she took a jump off the telephone booth and grabbed hold of a tree branch above. The Hollow stomped towards the telephone booth and it crushed easily under its feet, the glass and metal shattering everywhere.

Karin swung herself around and onto the tree branch, crouching there. Looking desperately towards the spirits she yelled, "Hey!! Get away from there!!"

The woman picked up the child and ran.

The Hollow edged closer and closer to the tall office building. Karin waited. As its side crashed into the building, Karin leapt off the tree and clung onto the Hollow's back. The Hollow growled and tried to shake her off, his claws and hands lashing back behind it to pull her off and eat her, but Karin clung on tightly.

Her face was flushed as she held on, gradually making her was up towards its head. The earphones fell out of her eyes, but she left them out, the wires swinging back and forth, getting caught in her scarf as she inched towards the Hollow's mask.

Dammit. Her heart was pumping so loudly out of her chest. She was terrified. But she gritted her teeth anyway.

"Kaaarriiiiinnnn!!" The tearful voice came from the little girl from across the street.

_At least, _Karin thought angrily, _when I know people are depending on me, I won't ditch them and leave them! At least, when people are depending on me, I'll do everything I can for them!! _The anger rose up in her chest. _At least I won't abandon them when they're in need like SOMEONE else would!_

The Hollow turned towards the building and Karin took a dangerous step forward and gathering all her power in her leg, kicked the Hollow's mask as hard as she possibly could. She felt the pain snake its way from her foot all the way up her leg and she cringed.

The Hollow threw back its head and howled as the tiniest cracks began the appear on its mask.

Karin took advantage of the Hollow throwing back its head. Now her plan had gone the way she'd planned. They were right in front of the building.

Karin tightened her fists and gritted her teeth as the Hollow's head came back up. As it came, she lifted her leg and kicked it straight in the back of its head. The impact, along with the momentum it already had, sent it crashing face-down straight into the building.

The Hollow's mask was shattered on impact, as was the wall of the building. Karin stood there, on the Hollow's shoulder as the building fell down, the bricks, the plaster, the glass windows, everything collapsing. She completely forgot what she was standing on. The Hollow's body collapsed downwards as well, crashing into the ground, before dissolving into nothingness and Karin fell the last couple of feet to the ground.

It was now really dark and she could see the torch lights and car lights as people came rushing to the scene to investigate the mysterious collapsing building.

Karin untangled her earphone wires from hr scarf, and ran off down the street. Once she had turned the corner, and was finally on her street, she turned around to see the two ghosts behind her.

"Thank you for saving us, Karin." the woman said. The little girl said nothing, but attached herself to Karin's leg. Karin frowned at the slightly transparent girl hugging her.

Karin scowled. "Yeah, whatever. It's safe now, and there aren't any Hollows around. So scram already!"

The older ghost chuckled to herself as they moved off.

Karin stood and watched them before awkwardly muttering, "Be careful, okay?"

---

"Karin! Do you know how late you are??" Isshin burst out as he opened the door for the fourteen-year-old.

Karin ignored her father as she walked right past him, kicking off her shoes and letting them thud across the floorboards.

"Karin! Yuzu just swept the floor!" Her dad shouted. "And your dinner is all cold, because you're over an hour late!"

Karin said nothing and kept walking down the corridor.

Yuzu appeared from the kitchen, worry creasing her forehead as she watched her twin sister ignore them all.

"Karin…" Yuzu said.

"Karin, don't tell me you're skipping dinner again!" Isshin shouted after her. "Karin! Can you hear me? Dammit, you've always got those earphones plugged in your ears! Karin, listen to me! KARIN!"

A moment later there was the sound of Karin's bedroom door slamming shut.

---

_Because on and off,  
The clouds have fought  
Their control over the sky  
And lately the weather  
Has been so Bi-polar  
And Consequently so have I_

---

There was knocking on her door, and Karin could hear it through her earphones. She didn't say anything but stayed there, sitting on her bed, staring up at the ceiling.

Yuzu paused. She stood outside Karin's door and said quietly, "Karin… Karin, you should eat dinner."

There was no reply.

Yuzu stood there and lowered her gaze to the floor. "Karin, you're not sitting there in the dark again, are you?"

There was no light peeking out from under the door, so it obvious she was.

And then, finally…

Her voice wasn't angry or loud. Just detached and half-hearted.

"…leave me alone."

Yuzu reluctantly went to put Karin's dinner in the fridge.

---

Alone in her room, in the dark, Karin sat on her bed. She turned the volume up on her iPod and hugged her arms around her knees. She shivered slightly in the coolness of her room and lowered her chin down onto her knees, letting the curtain of her black hair fall over her eyes.

_And the temperature is freezing  
And then, after dark,  
There is a cold front sweeping  
In over my heart_

And we might break up  
If I don't wake up to the sun

"…stupid… Ichi-nii," she cursed him under her breath. _Why'd you have to leave us? Why'd you leave me alone to do this all by myself?_

She stretched out one leg and saw the scratches and cuts that ran across it and felt it ache from where she'd kicked the Hollow.

And she couldn't help it. Here, when she was alone, her shields went down. And even though she'd tried so hard to be tough and to be cold and close herself off from the others, inside she felt so weak. So Karin just sat there, holding in to the loneliness that was eating her away inside.

---

From outside the streets of Karakura, a figure stood there, floating above the ground. The night air outside was very still and he felt the breeze rush past him, making his disheveled white hair more messed up then it already was. He gazed down over Karakura, his teal-coloured eyes calm as usual.

"It's been a while," the Tenth Company captain murmured to himself.

---

And from inside her bedroom, Karin sat and stared outside her window into the darkness, wondering if things would ever get better.

…_But I'll wait outside  
Hoping that I'll catch sight of the sun.  
_

**End of Chapter 1! Uhh… sorry, I've never been very good at first chapters! I hope you liked it anyway! By the way, the song and lyrics used for this chapter was High of 75 by Relient K! You should all go listen to it! ^_^ Heh heh, anyway, for this fic, I'm hoping to use a different song for each chapter! I've already got a few songs for a few specific chapter stories, but I'll need a lot more! So, if you have a song that you like, or has lyrics that could suit the story, please tell me! **

**Please review 'cause I need encouragement! emichii **


	2. Stationary Stationery

**Hi everybody!! Thanks so much for reading and for all your awesome reviews! Yayy! I'm pretty surprised at how well this fic is doing already! Hurrayyy! Thanks for all your suggestions on songs! Anyway, here's chapter 2! Hope you like it! ^_^**

_Do they not have pen or paper where you are?  
Because I haven't heard from you in ages  
I relive each memory from time to time  
Read notes exchanged  
With all those scented pages  
It's coming back, it's all coming back to me now  
_

**Chapter 2- Stationary Stationery **

The door swung open. Yuzu stood there and blinked sleepily at the red-haired boy that stood on the doorstep with a huge object that was wrapped in cloth rested over his shoulder.

It was early morning, and even though Yuzu was up, there was still quite a while before she and Karin would have to go to school. Still, here was Jinta, wanting to meet up with Karin already.

"Uh, yeah," Yuzu murmured, unable to hide her bewilderment. "I'll go get her."

But just as she turned, Karin came down with her school bag and a soccer ball in a net draped over her shoulder. She barely said a word to Jinta, just did her grunt/acknowledging nod towards him.

Karin went out the door and went ahead.

Yuzu blinked, standing there at the doorway. "Oh."

Jinta shifted from one foot to the other. "Uhh…" he said awkwardly.

The two of them looked everywhere but at each other. Yuzu couldn't help feeling a strange prickly feeling inside, that made her think she was jealous, since Jinta had come to see Karin in the mornings before school a few times now. It was unlike her to be feeling annoyed and even the tiniest bit ill-wishing towards anybody at all.

Jinta raised his head and noticed that Karin was gone from view.

Quickly, he turned to Yuzu, "Um… thanks." He hurriedly turned away from her and started to run after Karin. "…See you around, Kurosaki." he added quietly as his face turned red.

Yuzu stared after the red-haired brat as he ran off, suddenly noticing that her own cheeks were growing heated.

---

_This is so ridiculous! My face is redder than my hair!! _Jinta flushed as he grumbled to himself in annoyance, struggling to cool his face down again.

"Hey! Karin!" He shouted out.

Karin turned around and faced him with an enormous scowl, as normal. "What??" she snapped.

"Did you get the one on the way here?"

"The one near the news agency?" Karin frowned. "Yeah. But I knocked down a wall in the process."

Jinta sighed and shrugged. "Whatever. It'll have to do."

"Slack-ass shinigami." he muttered under his breath as he and Karin ran down the road, in search of more Hollows.

---

A black-haired teen girl was walking by herself towards school. Her face was slightly flushed and her short hair messed up, as she put her iPod earphones into her ears and turned the volume up.

The weather was cold, as it generally was during the early morning, but Karin felt pretty warmed up from her morning routine of racing around Karakura with Jinta to deal with as many Hollows as they could before school started.

She was tired, but she was used to it by now. Even so, right now, all she really wanted was to roll over and fall asleep. Or at least get a half-decent weapon to use against the Hollows she always had to fight.

She could hear the incessant chatter of the others as she entered the school yard. Suddenly, the nearest group of girls to her stopped talking and stared at her as she went past. Karin rolled her eyes. What? Did they think she couldn't notice them staring at her?

Soon, they began whispering to each other again. Karin grumbled to herself and ignored them all, the girls and all her other classmates. She kept her head down and scuffed her shoes against the concrete as she walked, wishing that she could be anywhere else but here.

---

_I thought you said that you'd come find me  
I thought you said you'd be home by now  
I heard you sang that you'd come back here_

---

He stood there, somewhat wide-eyed, watching from the roof of the building that overlooked the soccer field, and the outskirts of the school. There was a bit of a chilly breeze sweeping past that made his black shihakusho and his haori billow. Even so, Hitsugaya stood still and firm on his perch.

…_she's changed. _His blue-green eyes were focused on the black-haired girl that made her way grumpily towards the school building. There were some things about her that were still similar, that he remembered, but something else about her had changed so much that it bugged him.

She kept her eyes focused down and her earphones firmly in her ears, not inviting any conversation or greetings from her peers. Her hands were deep in her pockets, and her black hair hiding her face.

Hitsugaya half-recognized the boys that suddenly sauntered over to her, one of them rushing her and almost tackling her by grabbing her around the neck, knocking out one of her earphones. Those four boys were her friends, weren't they? Her… soccer buddies?

They were laughing and light-hearted, punching each other and generally enjoying themselves. But Karin just shrugged and replaced her earphone.

What seemed like a forced smile seemed to shine briefly on her face before she blocked them all out again.

The boys went on without her. They all looked at each other meaningfully with raised eyebrows, but it was obvious they were used to it by now. At least… they seemed to be saying; at least she tried to smile for us today.

Hitsugaya felt a frown cross his face as he straightened up and crossed his arms over his chest with disbelief. _What…?? _

Karin stopped suddenly, frowning. She could feel something, some kind of spiritual pressure, though she wasn't sure. She looked around her, searching. And then she looked up.

Hitsugaya froze.

Her face hadn't changed much. Her black hair was still short, but now almost reaching her shoulders, and her eyes were wide and brown. She wasn't frowning as she looked up, just curiosity and bewilderment on her face.

But something about her… like her eyes… seemed to hide something, seemed to be trying to hold in some inner hurt or something. And because of that, and because of the way she'd acted before, it was obvious that she'd grown up since last time, and changed.

He wanted to know what had happened.

Karin stared up at him, her eyes wide. Her heart skipped a beat, disbelieving that she was seeing what she thought she was seeing.

A shinigami!! A soul reaper! Back here in Karakura for the first time since they'd all ditched a year ago! No way…!She paused for a moment in that stream of thoughts as she realized.

That soul reaper standing there… with his arms crossed and that frown on his face. And his black shihakusho and his white captain's haori, his disheveled white hair and blue-green eyes. He was taller than she remembered, from back then when she used to tease him about his shortness. Back then, when she was still happy enough to tease someone else…

She forgot herself for a moment and was even about to open her mouth and yell out his name, when she realized that he was gone. In that tiny second when she'd blinked or something, he'd already left.

And instantly, Karin felt the bitter disappointment hit her hard. She wasn't quite sure what it had been before, but seeing him for that brief instant, there'd been something like hope flashing inside her. And… just how long had it been since she'd last felt that?

…_Nah. _She felt her negative and cynical thoughts weigh down on her again, like a familiar weight on her back, some reassurance that nothing would change, that it was all the same. _…it wasn't. It couldn't have been. _

The bitterness darkened her eyes again as she dropped her gaze down to the ground again. This was stupid. She shouldn't have thought of him. What was wrong with her, she shouldn't be off imagining things like that!

Karin grumbled in annoyance to herself, pissed off at her own stupidity as she scrolled through the playlist on her iPod.

That was ridiculous. He wasn't there. He's not coming back, he's never coming back.

And she moaned loudly in annoyance as she hurried to race to class. How dare that white-haired shinigami come back now and complicate everything? Why, dammit? Why was he coming back to her thoughts _now _after so long??

---

_That was weird, _Hitsugaya thought to himself as he flash-stepped over the house tops of Karakura. He felt his feet move faster as he glided through the air, his captain's haori fluttering in the movement. _I… I don't know what happened just then._

He slowed down, now that he was away from her. Hitsugaya sighed to himself.

She'd really… changed. That was probably the only reason his pulse rate suddenly sped up. Just 'cause she was so different now.

Maybe… even though it had been over a year since he'd seen her last, even though last time she'd just been that annoyingly stubborn girl with spiritual powers… maybe he'd just wanted to see her again.

She'd… kinda been his friend. Hitsugaya Toushirou didn't have many friends. They were… not something needed in Soul Society. But a long time ago, coming to Karakura, he met her out in the streets when her soccer ball came rolling out onto the road.

Last time, he'd remembered her as being stubborn and childish. She scowled and frowned and was at times sarcastic and cynical. But she always had a lightheartedness about her, the way she grinned wickedly at him and her friends, how she ran around happily and without a care in the world when she did what she liked best- playing soccer.

She'd been cheerful and impulsive, almost pigheaded. She grinned and laughed at him, mocked him for his short stature. Ran after him and confronted him on that hill that he used to sit on.

She was the one who never seemed to stop running, always seeming to know where she was going. She was the one who looked out for her friends, who even put herself stupidly in dangerous situations to protect them. She was the one who seemed so carefree and happy. She was the one who called him "Toushirou" to his face.

She…

She wasn't smiling today. Or messing around with her friends. When she'd looked up at him, something about her was different. The carefree nature, the cheerfulness… wasn't there.

_Maybe… _Maybe, after all this time, he'd just wanted to come back and see her smile.

---

_I thought you said that you'd come find me  
I thought you said you'd be home by now  
I heard you sang that you'd come back here…_

"Crap!" Karin raced down the street, her earphones fallen out long ago, the long wires hanging down out of her pocket, the music playing out for nobody to hear. She gritted her teeth as she felt the thumps of the Hollow's feet making the ground beneath her own feet tremble.

It was afternoon, and she was tired. Damn, she was sick of all this. Still... she was the only one who could do this now. Ever since Ichigo left...

She stopped and heard the Hollow growl. The earphones were swinging back and forth as she cursed under her breath and turned to face the Hollow.

Suddenly, a white-haired shinigami captain came falling down from the sky, brandishing his sword, and neatly killing the Hollow in one swing as he fell to the ground. He landed softly, barely making a sound as he stood there and sheathed his sword before staring at Karin with his cold gaze.

Karin was dumbstruck.

"Hey." said Hitsugaya as he sauntered over to her, his gaze still not leaving her face.

She stared at him for a moment, taking in how tall he was now, a head or so taller than her. Somewhere, in her muddled-up brain, she didn't understand and wouldn't accept that he was actually here. And it all didn't make sense. It wasn't like she _wanted _him to be here!

But… she felt her lower lip tremble as he came closer, and stood there, about a metre in front of her.

Suddenly, the embarrassment and anger and frustration and everything just burst out of her. Her face was flushed and red as she glared at him, and clenched her hands into fists. Her heart was beating so fast and heavily and she just couldn't think straight, and her face was burning up so much, but dammit, she was so angry, she wanted to kick him! Where it hurts!

"D-Damn you!" She somehow managed to spit out. "You… You bastard, Toushirou!! Dickhead!" She shouted at him.

He actually was quite relieved she remembered his name. And being Hitsugaya, instead of being offended by her yelling at him, he was amused by it.

Karin's shoulders were shaking so much, her emotions going haywire and confused inside her, her fists trembling as she glared at him so hard, that her eyes were almost starting to water.

He wondered if she was going to keep going, keep yelling at him like this. His heart was confused and troubled for her. He still didn't understand, didn't know why she was like this. She was trembling, gritting her teeth, now not even looking him at all, but glaring daggers at the ground under her feet. She was so angry. But, she kept blinking, almost as though she wanted to cry.

That kind of annoyed him. Was she really so upset to see him that she wanted to cry?

But she didn't cry. She was angry, yeah, but it was obvious she was doing her best to remain as controlled as she could. She was trying so hard to be tough…

Karin breathed in and out carefully, not looking at him. Simply unable to look at him… She spun on her foot and turned away, running. Cursing at herself with every step she took, not even bothering to fix up her earphones, which hit her gently in the leg as she ran.

_Dammit! DAMMIT! _Karin bit her lip as she went. Man, she wanted to kill him.

As she slowed, she could still feel his presence behind her and she felt an immature growl rise up in her throat. She really was seething mad.

But… it had been a while since she'd acted so childishly immature like this, yelling like that. It'd been a while since she'd been forced to duck out of her tough shell, her cold defensiveness. It'd…been a while.

She stood, her back to him, breathing hard, feeling those stupid tears clouding up her vision, but obviously, there was no way she'd let them fall. She gritted her teeth and squeezed her eyes shut with frustration.

"…Kurosaki." he said quietly.

"It's Karin!" she snapped, without thinking.

Hitsugaya smiled to himself. She still let him call her that. "Yeah… I know."

So he stood there, watching her, wondering if he should reach out to her but he didn't dare. Wondering if he should say anything else, but not knowing what to say, or how to make things better.

_Karin… _Hitsugaya watched silently.

But then, suddenly, she moved a hand up to her eyes as if to wipe away tears.

He watched, surprised, as she turned her head to look at him. Her voice was rough and her face was scowling. She was frustrated and she glared at him, she was trying to stay angry at him. But…

He'd missed her smile, but underneath her frown, even though she was trying hard to stay being this tough, untouchable Karin that she'd become, even though she was trying to be angry at him…

"…Stupid! Why'd you take so long to come back, Toushirou??"

He saw an awkward smile, there on her face, while she tried to glare at him.

It might have been small, and only for a short moment, and hidden by her scowl, but it was there.

And it was just a little like the smiles she used to always share with him.

_Now I know it was only you  
that I've been searching for  
Been missing all this time…_

**What did you think? This chapter was a little harder to write than I first thought, and it might've ended up being a bit too long. Do you think I dragged it on a bit too much? Please tell me! The second chapter in every story is pretty difficult, because not only do you want to set the scene and background for the current life for your characters, you also have to make the event happen that will affect and cause the rest of your story. Oh yeah, the song used in this chapter was ****Stationary Stationery ****by ****Anberlin.**** Please review, everybody! Oh, and keep the song suggestions coming in!! Particularly if the lyrics can work themselves into the story!! emichii! ^_^ **


	3. Velonica

**Disclaimer: I don't own bleach!! It belongs to Kubo-sensei, who is a kick-arse genius! **

**Thanks for all the reviews and suggestions, everyone! Please continue to support me! ^_^ Read and review!**

"_ikiteru dake de kanashii to omou no wa watashi dake nano?"_

"_Am I the only one  
Who thinks life is just tragic?"_

**Chapter 3- Velonica**

"What's this?" Karin stared down at the object in front of her.

Hitsugaya stood there, arms folded, face expressionless as always. "It's for you. You can use it against those Hollows you always fight."

Karin frowned and picked up the long wooden sword, turning it lightly in her hands.

"The students at the Shinigami Academy use swords like this." Hitsugaya told her. He frowned a little bit as he commented, "You… should start fighting with this."

The expression on Karin's face was unreadable as she narrowed her eyes.

Hitsugaya didn't go on to say what Karin's alternative way of eliminating Hollows was. He didn't want to mention it. He'd already seen the battered soccer balls that lay in the corner of her room, the broken ones and deflated skins lying amidst the mess. He'd already seen the bruises and scratches all over her legs, the sores and cuts.

Karin seemed to hesitate and then dropped the wooden sword back onto her bed, turning and walking away. She didn't meet Hitsugaya's eyes or say anything as she left her room.

Hitsugaya exhaled a sigh of frustration as he left out of Karin's window.

---

Ichigo's room was as untouched as always. Everything inside was just the same as it had been the day before, and the day before that. Just like it had been when he'd left. He and Rukia.

Karin stood there, in the doorway, her fingers lingering on the door as she held it open. Silently, she stood there, looking inside. But it remained empty.

Even when Ichigo used to come home, he always was back late and was barely ever seen. That's why Karin was the only one who knew he even came home.

Sometimes, when it was really late, past midnight, she could hear the slightest of footsteps and sense the spiritual pressure moving around in the house. Sometimes, she'd wake up and creep down the hallway to her brother's room, pausing outside his door. Sometimes, she could hear the quiet words.

"'_night, Rukia." _

"…_Goodnight, Ichigo." _

And then the sound of the closet door sliding open and closed again. And the sounds of her brother retiring to rest before he vanished again in the morning.

And she would stand there, outside in the corridor, satisfied that her brother was home, even though it was just for a moment.

Sometimes, she used to stand there and open the door softly, peek inside to see Ichigo's sleeping form in his bed. And then, knowing that he was home, she'd close the door and creep back to bed.

Sometimes…

But it had almost been over a year now. Ichigo hadn't been back.

Karin's eyes darkened and grew bitter as she thought of the wooden sword Hitsugaya had given her. She recalled the conversations with Ichi-nii where he continually denied his existence as a soul reaper. She remembered him rushing to leave and her trying to stop him. She saw him in his shihakusho, the giant sword he carried on his back. She watched how he ran off all the time, ran off to protect Karakura and the ones he loved, getting injured and being constantly bandaged up. Saw him with his shinigami friends- Rukia and that red-haired guy with the tattoos. Watched him walk away repeatedly, his back turned to her.

And she'd never been one to rely on someone else, no, not since her mum had died, but… she'd felt abandoned.

Karin scowled in frustration and anger as she turned and closed Ichigo's door. As the door clicked closed, she saw Yuzu standing there at the end of the corridor, watching her.

"Karin?" Yuzu said, wide-eyed. The unasked questions were obvious of Yuzu's face, watching her sister critically, suddenly realizing that Karin was missing Ichi-nii too, and that she'd been affected just as much as the others.

Karin's face was pale and shocked that she'd been discovered. It hit her hard in the stomach, the shame and the anger as she ignored Yuzu. She walked quickly past her twin sister before breaking into a run.

---

_You've seen sadness that you didn't have to see  
And now you're holding in tears that you don't have to  
I'm not strong enough to live with just the truth  
Is it okay to be that weak, is it okay??_

---

Karin huddled by herself in her room. She looked at her pale palms, at her hands as she turned them over slowly. She could see the bruises and battered condition of her arms and she pulled her sleeves down over her knuckles, biting her lip.

"_It's for you. You can use it against those Hollows you always fight." _

Karin glanced at the wooden sword lying on her bed where she'd left it before.

_This all… really sucks. I… It's not because I need a proper weapon to fight with. I just… I just want… I don't… _

Why'd he bother giving her this sword anyway? It wasn't like she'd know how to use it. It wasn't like it would take the burden of protecting Karakura off her shoulders.

_I don't know. _

But…

_Toushirou… _Karin frowned as she thought of the snowy-haired shinigami captain. _He… _

It wasn't like he _had _to help her out! It wasn't like she needed him to care!! She didn't! Okay? She… she didn't.

She really… she didn't… want or need anything. She was fine…! Karin sat there, alone, clenching and unclenching her hands, stretching her sleeves over her bruised knuckles.

But then… why did she keep pausing by Ichi-nii's room and peeking in when she thought nobody was watching?

Hitsugaya's being here… how would it change anything at all?

Karin was frustrated with herself. Yesterday, she didn't even know what the strange type of warmth flooding through her was. She didn't know why. She didn't know much about anything at all. Maybe… she'd just thought if a soul reaper was back here in Karakura, maybe Ichigo would be back too. Maybe… somehow…

Maybe things would change. Maybe things would start looking up again. Maybe she could… go back to what she used to be like.

But now… what was that really?

Nobody ever understood. Nobody even tried. She didn't even bother explaining, because she knew they wouldn't listen, they wouldn't understand, couldn't help her at all.

She couldn't explain her failing grades, why her school reports were so bad, why she continued to fall asleep in class, why she didn't get along with anyone else, why she couldn't talk to her family, why she just couldn't open up and tell people her feelings.

She couldn't tell them why she ran out of school all the time, why she missed so many classes, why she came home late, why she had no appetite, why she was always battered and bruised, why she bought new soccer balls all the time and had a collection of deflated and broken ones.

She couldn't say what was on her heart, she didn't even know it anymore, she couldn't get along with everybody like before, she just had to shut herself out of everything, and she couldn't let anybody know.

Why she kept arguing with Dad, why she blocked them all out, why she kept those earphones shoved in her ears, volume turned up loud, why she refused to look at them, why she kept her gaze focused on the ground.

She couldn't…

She couldn't answer all their questions, all their accusations. She couldn't keep up with all their expectations, all that they asked of her. She gritted her teeth and bore the brunt of the attacks and the shouting and the scolding and yelling. She wouldn't let them show.

But… but inside… dammit…

Inside, everything hurt.

---

_The moonlight shines on me and I take a deep breath  
In a world without the sound of breaking dishes  
Or the shouts of angry voices  
I can still live my life without any warmth  
But just being alive isn't enough for us_

---

Hitsugaya walked through the streets of Karakura in his gigai, just another of the people passing by in the streets. Everyone had somewhere to go, someone on their mind, something that needed to be done. But Hitsugaya, he was just walking.

He was a bit confused, and needed some time to clear his mind. It had already been some time since he'd been here, a while since any shinigami had been in Karakura. And seeing how Karin had pushed herself to do the duties of the soul reapers, he felt something like a twinge of pain.

Sometimes… just making his aimless way through these streets, just being passed by everyone else… sometimes, it could make you feel lonely. Because humans don't tend to look out for anyone other than themselves. Yet in a way, it was a bit of a relief. He didn't mind it. He didn't mind being ignored as just another face in the crowd. It could be refreshing.

After all, he was the one who decided to come to Karakura. He could leave the Soul Society and come here, leave Matsumoto behind to get drunk or whatever, and forget about all the paperwork and duties of his company, even if it was just for a short moment.

Somewhere in the distance, a rumble seemed to run through the air. Hitsugaya immediately tensed and turned to look off in its direction.

He reached into his pocket to pull out his gikongan dispenser and burst out into his shinigami form. Hitsugaya flash-stepped towards the Hollow's presence.

Rushing towards the park, and passing through the people who had no idea what went on beyond their little human lives, Hitsugaya could see the Hollow's large form towering over the playground equipment at the park.

Hitsugaya sped up and reached behind him to pull out his sword. However, just as he unsheathed it and held it in his hands at the ready, his blue-green eyes widened to see the Hollow in front of him roar out loudly once more before falling over and dispersing into little pieces.

Hitsugaya slowed and came to a stop, his eyes wide.

Karin stood there, behind the quickly vanishing Hollow, her usual frown on her face. Her short black hair was messy and floating up in the breeze as she stood there, her dark eyes hard.

He saw the way her knees trembled just a little bit and he realized that Karin had been scared, and then he wondered why he had never thought of that before. Because, think about it, ever since Ichigo had left, she'd been facing these Hollows by herself, with no weapon really aside from herself and maybe the occasional soccer ball. How could anyone blame her for being scared? And this reminded him of the look in her eyes that he'd caught for just a second yesterday when they'd met again. If… the truth is… she's been scared of doing it all by herself… then…

He was shocked as he felt his heart ache a bit while watching her.

Karin hadn't noticed him there. She straightened up, tightened the one hand she was holding the wooden sword with. With the other hand, she ran a hand tiredly through her hair as she sighed with relief.

Hitsugaya sheathed his sword and walked over towards her.

Karin raised her head, her frown not on her face for once as she contemplated how well defeating that Hollow just then went. But then she saw Hitsugaya there and the scowl returned to her face.

"I see you decided to use it," Hitsugaya said, stating the obvious, since he wasn't sure what else to say.

"…yeah," Karin muttered, embarrassed as she scowled in annoyance, looking away from him. Her face was starting to heat up and turn red.

Hitsugaya smiled, despite himself, though he was careful to hide it as soon as Karin glanced at him again.

They began to walk back towards home, Karin looking at the ground, her face still burning.

"Uhh…" she muttered, "Th-thanks for... _this_, y'know." She tilted her head towards the sword in her hand. "…thanks, Toushirou."

This time Hitsugaya visibly smiled at her. And it surprised her, because back when she had been the one who always smiled, he never did. And suddenly, it was as though their roles had reversed.

He turned his gaze away from her until he realized that she had stopped. Bewildered, he stopped and turned to look at her.

Her cheeks were pink from embarrassment as she scuffed her shoes awkwardly against the ground. She seemed to be considering whether or not to say something. She looked up at him and their eyes met.

She smiled. A small, sheepish grin.

He stared at her in surprise as she went on, walking on ahead, this time with him being the one left behind.

"Heh," she said quietly, the small smile on her lips. "Maybe I better start taking kendo classes, so that I have an excuse for carrying around a wooden sword all day."

---

Karin was in her room when she suddenly heard heavy footsteps banging around in the house. They came thundering up the stairs and then down the corridors past her door.

She was confused as to who else would be banging around in the Kurosaki household apart form her. Suddenly, she heard the sniffling voice that accompanied the footsteps and there was no way she could ignore who it was. She could instantly tell. It was Yuzu.

Karin sat there, on her bed, frozen still.

From outside, Yuzu's voice was still sniffling. It was very clear and easy for Karin to hear, because Yuzu was standing outside her bedroom door.

Karin stared down at her feet. What now? What… what was she meant to do?

Yuzu… Yuzu wasn't meant to be like this. Yuzu had never been the one to cry like this- she was a crybaby, true, but she never was this upset. Still, she was a teenager, just like Karin. And Karin had been stomping around back and forth in this house for a long time now, and all this time, Yuzu had done her best to be caring and understanding, no matter how many times Karin had pushed her away or ignored her.

_Yuzu… _Karin raised her head and looked at her bedroom door. From outside, she could hear the hesitant shuffling of Yuzu's feet. But the worse of all was the sobbing coming from her twin sister.

When… when they were little, and before, before Karin had shut herself off from everybody… Yuzu used to barge into her room all the rime, without knocking. And although Karin had complained, she'd always let her. Now… now Yuzu hesitated outside, and Karin knew she wanted to come in, wanted to share her bed when she had nightmares, wanted to complain over her own problems, everything…

Karin frowned. Slowly, she got to her feet and made her way to the door.

_I'm sorry. I'm sorry… I'm sorry for always taking you for granted. For not being there for you even though you kept trying to be there for me. _

Her voice was hoarse and uncomfortable as she called out through the door. "…Yuzu? You… you can come in… if ya want."

All Karin got in reply was Yuzu's crying, louder.

Frustrated, Karin pulled open the door.

Yuzu stood there, her face flushed, her shoulders shaking. She was hiccupping heavily and the tears were streaming down her face. "…K-Kariiinnn…" she whimpered as she wiped away at her tears.

Karin stared at her twin sister as Yuzu rushed in and threw her arms around her.

That night, Yuzu wouldn't tell her what it was that had made her cry, why she was so upset. And Karin didn't know what to say or how to comfort her.

But she held her while Yuzu cried herself to sleep in Karin's bed.

---

_The reason why we're leaving here for another place  
Is to see that there are no answers beyond the heart_

---

**I didn't want to use a Bleach song for a Bleach fic. But… time was running out and I had no suitable song lyrics for this chapter so… that's what happened. In case you don't know, this chapter's song was the 9****th**** Bleach theme song. ****Velonica**** by ****Aqua Timez****. I love Aqua Timez!! ^_^ Anyway, yeaahh… sorry it was a messy chapter! I promise it will be better next time! Please review!**


	4. Teenage Heartbreak

**Hi! Sorry for the long wait, everybody! I've been busy with exams and my book and such, but for me the holidays have finally started, so hopefully I'll be able to write and update more often!! ^_^ **

**Please read and review!!**

**Chapter 4- Teenage Heartbreak **

_Teenage heartbreak _

_Nothing hurts so bad _

_Than remembering _

_Everything you had_

Karin sat cross-legged on her bed with a scowl on her face. She tried not to openly roll her eyes as she listened to her twin sister Yuzu blab on and on.

_Man… _This was getting repetitive, Karin grumbled to herself. Yuzu just went on and on. Karin had been worried and guilty last night, because Yuzu had been upset. But today, Yuzu was her bright sunny self again, as though absolutely nothing was wrong at all. The only thing that had changed was that Yuzu was being clingy with Karin again.

She was smiling and excited, telling Karin everything that she'd wanted to tell her for the last year or so, ever since Karin had withdrawn herself.

"Hey, Yuzu." Karin said suddenly, the first thing she'd said all morning while Yuzu was talking.

"Mm?" Yuzu looked over at Karin cheerfully.

Karin frowned and looked at her sister seriously, brown eyes dark. "What… happened yesterday that made you cry?"

"Huh…" Yuzu's mouth was frozen in a smile. Suddenly, her eyes slowly filled with tears.

Karin stared at her in horror.

"Well… I… uh… yesterday… uhh…" she stammered over her words, her voice weakening as the tears came back. "…he… I…" Yuzu paused for a moment, looking down at her hands, "H-Hanakari… he… and then… I-I don't knooooowwwwww!!" she wailed as she burst into tears.

---

_You believed in the words he spoke _

_And the love she said she had _

_But leaving this and starting over  
Doesn't sound that bad _

_And he won't care if it ends this way, _

_But you want him to know _

_Wasted dreams and a broken heart _

_Are all you'll have to show_

---

"JINTA!!" There was insistent thumping on the front door of Urahara Shoten. Not quite thumping actually, more like kicking. "Damn you, Jinta, if you don't come out, I'll kick this door down!!"

"Jinta!" Urahara's voice came floating down the corridors. "Will you go get it, please? If that door comes down because of you, you will be severely punished!!"

_What is it?? _The red-haired boy threw down the broom, promptly on Ururu's feet and started to stomp outside.

"WHAAATT??" Jinta demanded as he threw open the door with a bang.

"What the hell did you do to my sister??" Karin yelled. She was standing there, face like a thundercloud.

"Karin?" Confusion clouded over Jinta's face.

"I'm going to kill you!! How dare you make Yuzu cry!?" She spat out as she reached out and grabbed Jinta by the collar.

"What? What the hell? I didn't- well, what- gahh!"

"What happened yesterday?" demanded Karin.

"I don't know!" Jinta protested, struggling as he was choked from the collar by Karin's firm grip. "I… I don't know what I did to make her cry! Honest!"

"Well, well…" footsteps sounded nearby. Karin scowled as she turned her head to face whoever it was. "It's nice to see you looking so energetic, Karin, but you are strangling my assistant to death and it doesn't look very good in front of a guest."

Urahara chuckled from behind his fan. Beside him was Hitsugaya, in his gigai, with a bemused expression and his arms folded across his chest.

Karin's face reddened slightly as she grumbled and let go of Jinta, letting him crash to the ground.

---

"So what are you going to do?"

Hitsugaya was even-tempered and emotionless as always, as he stared at Karin with his piercing eyes. He leaned against the metal fence next to the road, the one that overlooked Karakura.

"…I don't know," she muttered, swinging her legs back and forth in annoyance as she sat there, on the fence.

Hitsugaya smirked to himself.

Karin sighed and continued to pull faces at her shoes. "I dunno. Yesterday…" she paused, confused as to why she was even explaining anything to Hitsugaya. "Yesterday… Yuzu was crying, so I… I realized it's been ages since the last time I even talked to her, properly, y'know." She raised her head to look at Hitsugaya standing beside her, her brown eyes confused. "'cause when we were little, we used to be really close. I just can't believe that… I've been… neglecting her for so long. It's been… it's been like a year now!"

_It's been a year since Ichigo left._

Karin grunted as she suddenly got to her feet, angrily scuffing the bottom of her shoes against the cement as she stomped around.

Hitsugaya was silent, watching her.

"Yuzu isn't meant to cry!" she burst out. "She… wasn't meant to! She's always been there for me, and ever since Ichi-nii left, she's been doing her best to keep the family together! Even though, even though I kept… I kept pushing her away!"

She recalled the way Yuzu had paused outside her door, and how her eyes had been red and wet with tears when she'd opened the door. Karin felt her heart sink and she took in a sharp breath as she felt her own eyes water.

She bit her lip as she shook her head and clenched her hands into fists. _Dammit…! Dammit! Damn this all! I… _She felt the guilt and shame and hatred as she felt her own stupid tears slipping from her eyes. And she bowed her head and looked so very much alone as she stood there on the hill, her shoulders hunched, and teeth gritted and struggling against those tears which showed her inner weakness.

Hitsugaya's blue-green eyes were widened.

"I'm… I'm really… no better than _he _is," she muttered.

"'cause… 'cause…" she turned and glared at Hitsugaya, eyes dark and glimmering with angry tears. "All this time I've been hating Ichi-nii for leaving us! But, really, even though I haven't really gone anywhere and I'm still here, I've been just like him! I've… pretty much abandoned Yuzu and Dad, by shutting myself off from them! …gahh!" Karin crossed her arms and looked down at her feet, frustrated.

He stared at her, the girl with the dark teary eyes and the slightly flushed face. Her mouth was twisted into a pout and she was obviously struggling to pull herself together.

"Karin," Hitsugaya said, "You-"

"I'm just so sick of all this!" Karin shook her head, then wandered back to the fence and sat down, not looking at Hitsugaya.

Hitsugaya was stunned by her short outburst before and couldn't help a small smirk appear on his face. Karin now sat on the fence, arms crossed and a furious expression on her face, simmering in her own anger.

_You, Karin… you really try very hard… to act tough, but inside you can't help but care for those that matter to you… you don't like to show that you care, you don't want to seem weak, but… really… _

He glanced over at the girl beside him who was still seething.

Inside, for some reason, his heart ached a little and thumped a little louder. Watching her, he noticed his cheeks growing warm and immediately turned his head away, scolding himself for being stupid.

He wanted to say something, anything to make her cheer up. Not that she was all that cheered up usually.

But… something… he had to do something!

Karin stared out into the distance. Hitsugaya tried to think of something to say, but he really had nothing. So, he bit his lip and sat there, in silence, beside Karin.

---

_Teenage heartbreak _

_Nothing hurts so bad _

_Then remembering _

_Everything you had _

"_What are you doing, Jinta? We've already swept that part!" Ururu said._

"_Shut up, Stupid!" Jinta snapped as he continued to sweep the floor. He swept very hard, repeatedly in the same spot, snapping off bits of the broom as he went. _

_Ururu stood there, holding her own broom and frowning. "Ah, I know!" she said suddenly, clapping her hands with the realization._

"_WHAT?" Jinta growled. _

_Ururu smiled, not mockingly or anything, but good-naturedly. "It's Kurosaki, isn't it? Kurosaki Yuzu!"_

"_Huh?" Jinta stared at her, his face starting to turn red. _

"_That's it, right?" Ururu went on excitedly. "Kurosaki hasn't come over in a while so you're in a bad mood! And you're deliberately sweeping that entrance repeatedly; hoping that she'll come around and then you'll see her-"_

"_NO!" Jinta shouted, "NO WAY!!" _

_The red-haired brat threw down the broom, letting it hit the floor with a bang and grabbed Ururu around the throat, one hand clamped over her mouth. _

"_MMmfrghh," Ururu struggled as she gasped for air. "B-but Jinta, you-"_

"_Shut up!" Jinta cried. _

_Ururu pulled away from Jinta and picked up his broom from the ground. Uncharacteristically, she kept going, "But you know it's true, Jinta," she said cheekily, because she was so excited by this fact._

"_Damn you, Ururu! I'm gonna kill you!" He spat out, lunging out for her, eyes flashing with anger._

"_You like her, don't you?" she grinned before she was promptly thrown to the ground by Jinta. _

"_NO, I DON'T!" Jinta screamed, his whole face turning red, starting from the tips of his ears first and then his cheeks, so that his face was the same colour as his hair._

_Ururu looked up at him from the ground, slowly picking herself up and pulling leaves from her hair._

"_I don't, okay?" Jinta went on, furious. "I don't!" _

_Ururu's eyes widened suddenly. "J-Jinta-"_

_Jinta didn't see the change of expression on Ururu's face. Instead, he went on. He was so embarrassed and his face was boiling hot. His face was flushed, his heart beating out of his chest and his brain wasn't working properly as he yelled. "I DON'T LIKE KUROSAKI, AND I NEVER WILL!!" _

_Ururu stared up at him in horror._

Good! _He thought to himself. _That will teach her to try teasing me!

_Suddenly, he realized why Ururu was so silent. Panicked, he immediately whirled around to come face-to-face with Yuzu Kurosaki._

_His voice immediately failed him. "K-Kuro-" he stuttered out._

_She stood there, her brown eyes wide, her face as angelic as always but without the cute smile it usually had. "H… Hana… kari… you…"_

"I DON'T LIKE KUROSAKI, AND I NEVER WILL!!"

Oh crap!! _Jinta sweated._

_She stood there still for a moment. And then slowly, her eyes filled with tears. She covered her mouth with her hands and backed away from him, then turned away, running from Urahara Shoten as fast as she could. _

"…_wait! K-KUROSAKI!!" Jinta yelled. _

_But Yuzu kept crying and kept running._

---

"Are you frigging insane??" Karin exclaimed, as she sent a well-aimed kick at Jinta, sending the boy hurtling to the ground.

"Oww!!" Jinta complained as he sat up, glaring daggers at the much less angelic Kurosaki sister.

"You're an idiot!! MORON!" Karin growled.

"Shut up! Leave me alone!" Jinta snapped back.

"Man!" Karin exclaimed as she turned away from Jinta and rolled her eyes. "I don't know what she sees in you!"

"…what?" Jinta raised his head and looked at Karin, surprised.

Karin said nothing.

"Oi! Karin, answer me!" he demanded.

Karin glared at him. "Why do you think she was so hurt? Why do _you _think she ran away? 'I don't like Kurosaki, and I never will,' is that what you said? You bloody idiot!! Yuzu _likes_ you, stupid!!"

Jinta's eyes looked like they were about to fall out of his head. "No way…" he murmured. "She… she _likes _me??"

Karin sighed and rolled her eyes. "Dude, you really are an idiot!"

Jinta was still stunned.

Karin tapped her foot impatiently and glared down at the red-head. "So… what are you gonna do? Do you like her back or what?"

Jinta looked down at his feet. "…yeah…"

Karin looked up towards the heavens and gave a world-weary sigh.

---

_And yes, I do know… I know that all this time I've been a real hypocrite. 'cause I've really abandoned Yuzu just the way Ichi-nii left us. But I… _

_I am… I am really sorry… even though I can't possibly voice it out to her, or to anyone else I might have hurt in the process, I… _

_Just… let me try to make up for how you've suffered._

_I… I really don't know how to mend anything._

Karin bit her lip as she ran through the town, as fast as she could, dodging people and traffic alike. Every now and then, she looked back behind her to make sure he was still following.

Her brown eyes darkened as she picked up the pace, ignoring his cries of protest from behind her. _I don't… I don't want to be like Ichi-nii. _

_I don't want to leave you to handle problems alone… _

---

_Is she… getting better? _Hitsugaya wondered, as he looked over them all from up above. Suddenly, he was really confused as he tried to work it all out. Karin was… weird. That was all he could come up with to describe her right now. Weird.

But he couldn't help a small smile on his face. He had no idea what kinda effect Ichigo's absence had left on Karin, just that it had made her withdrawn and distant from her family and friends. But really… inside, no matter how much trouble she went to keep it hidden, she really was just the same Karin as always.

And even though he didn't understand why, he felt his shoulders relax. He was relieved.

---

"Why do _I _have to knock?" complained Jinta.

"Why are you even asking?" snapped Karin. "This is your fault!! You owe her an apology!"

Jinta grumbled and then reached out to knock on the door.

From inside the house, there was silence and then someone shouting, footsteps thudding down stairs. "Coming!"

Jinta pulled a face and his cheeks flushed as he paused in front of the Kurosaki home's front door. Karin smirked to herself as she turned and left.

"What are you dong?" Jinta hissed, his voice rising with panic. "You can't leave me alone! What will I say??"

"Say what you have to say, Stupid." Karin shrugged as she walked off.

Suddenly, the door clicked open and Yuzu Kurosaki stood there, in the doorway, with a smile on her face.

"Hi-" she started, and then realized it was Jinta standing outside her door. Her eyes widened and almost immediately her smile trembled and vanished.

"H-Hanakari…"

Jinta froze, watching her. He stumbled over his words, nervous and unsure and was barely able to look at her. "K-Kurosaki, I… yesterday, well…"

They were both silent for a moment.

Jinta face was flushed bright red and he clenched his fists tight as he squeezed his eyes shut and bowed his head. "I'm sorry!"

Yuzu stared at him.

Jinta couldn't look at her. "I'm sorry, Kurosaki, I'm really sorry! 'cause yesterday… when you came over… and you heard me say that I didn't like you, well, I…"

Both Jinta and Yuzu burned red.

"…I didn't mean it, okay?" Jinta burst out, finally raising his head and staring Yuzu straight in the eyes. "I didn't! I just yelled it out 'cause Ururu was teasing me and… and I was embarrassed, and you just… you just happened to come at that moment, so I… I didn't mean it, okay?? I'm sorry! I'm…really sorry for making you cry… 'cause I…"

Yuzu's eyes widened as Jinta looked at her with his heated face. "I like you, Kurosaki!!"

Yuzu stared at Jinta for a moment. And then slowly, a blush crept over her face and her mouth curved into a delightful smile.

Jinta stared at his goddess with his flushed face.

Yuzu smiled, blushing. "Heh heh," she giggled. "I… I like you too, Hanakari!"

From around the corner, leaning against the wall, Karin smiled to herself. Then she straightened up and started to leave. As she walked off, she reached into her pocket to pull out her iPod and put the earphones in.

Up ahead, she saw Hitsugaya waiting, in his gigai and his arms crossed. He looked impatient. She threw him a scowl as she ran to catch up to him.

_Teenage heartbreak _

_Never really lasts that long _

_Broken hearts heal _

_Then the pain is gone._

**That's chapter 4! ^_^ I hope you liked it! The song used for this chapter was ****Teenage Heartbreak**** by ****Eleventyseven****. Once again, sorry for the long wait, I've been really slack these days… but please review!! **


	5. Yours to Hold

**I'm glad y'all liked my last chapter!! I hope you'll like this next one too! I'm working on the hitsukarin fluff, so hopefully, this fic will be more Hitsugaya/Karin focused from now on. Here's chapter 5! Enjoy!! By the way, I don't own Bleach!!**

_I see you standing here  
But you're so far away  
Starving for your attention  
You don't even know my name_

**Chapter 5: Yours to Hold**

Isshin whacked down the handful of papers onto the kitchen table. From the kitchen, Yuzu winced as she heard the resounding smack and hurriedly turned back to the dishes. Karin sat cross-legged on her chair at the table, not looking at her father, her arms folded across her chest.

Isshin rarely got angry, let alone at his children, but he had no choice.

"Why haven't you been in school?" he barked.

Karin defiantly refused to speak as she looked away from her dad.

Her dad slapped a hand down on the table, on top of her latest report card. "KARIN! You've been failing every single one of your subjects, your marks are horrific and the school keeps informing me that you're missing classes! Even when you do attend, you smart mouth the teacher or you fall asleep! Aren't you sleeping well at home? How can you not be sleeping well when all you do is lock yourself up in your room??"

_No. Of course I'm not sleeping well!! I'm not even sleeping half the time! I'm running around Karakura killing Hollows! _

"Karin, it's been a whole year since you changed," Isshin's tone softened. "At first we were all hoping you'd get back to normal again, but we don't even know what normal is anymore!"

_Well. Neither do I._

"Karin, you _have _to go to school! I know you leave early but do you actually go to school? Have you been hanging around on the streets and ditching? What have you been doing, Karin??"

_Oh… nothing much. Just saving the souls of our dearly departed, father._

"Science, Maths, Japanese, English... History… Karin, you're failing every one of these subjects! Please, at least _try._"

_But I'm so sick of it. I'm so sick of trying!_

Karin scowled as she glared heatedly at the wall, ignoring her father. Her dad fell back into the usual stupid act. "Oh my dear daughter… Karin, you know you can tell me anything! If you have any problems, I'll listen!"

Karin said nothing.

Isshin seemed crestfallen.

"…if you're done," Karin said at last, her voice acidic, "then I'm outta here."

She stood up from the chair and left the kitchen, leaving her dad to cry at her mother's picture on the wall, wailing: "Mother! Oh Masaki, my daughter has rejected me once again!! Help me, Masaki!! I don't know what to dooo...!!"

For some reason, Isshin's voice was more strained and less comedic this time around than all the other times throughout the years.

Karin frowned to herself and shook away these thoughts as she put in her iPod earphones to drown out everything else.

---

She didn't bother putting on shoes as she opened the front door to feel the cool night air against her face. She closed the door behind her as she walked outside, suddenly noticing him standing there, down in the street.

_You're going through so much  
But I know that I could be the one to hold you_

He stood there, completely nonchalant, lazily leaning against a streetlamp, holding his phone/Hollow detector-thing in one hand.

Karin's eyes widened. Suddenly, she couldn't help it, something in her chest leapt, her heart beat louder. And all the anger and frustration from before vanished, to be replaced with something like bewilderment and even gratefulness.

_What is he doing here? _she wondered as she headed towards him, her bare feet trembling against the cold cement.

He seemed to sense her spiritual pressure, and raised his head, his icy coloured eyes searching through the night.

"Hey!" She didn't smile as she called out to him, but made sure to keep her trademark scowl on her face. "What are you doing here, Toushirou?"

Hitsugaya's face held his normal emotionless face, almost seeming bored. He was not in his gigai. "…just… taking care of this area."

Karin didn't understand. "You know I can do this. You gave me the wooden sword, after all. 'sides, I've been doing Ichi-nii's job ever since he left last year."

Hitsugaya didn't take his eyes off the phone. "You _are_ just a human girl. You need to sleep."

Karin's face burned. "What?" Suddenly, she became defensive without even knowing why. She should… feel grateful; flattered that he cared that much whether she slept at all, but instead she was almost offended.

"_You are just a human girl."_

Karin's face fell as she glared down at her bare feet on the concrete.

Hitsugaya glanced up to look at her while she was looking down.

_Every single day  
I find it hard to say  
I could be yours alone  
You will see someday  
That all along the way  
I was yours to hold  
I was yours to hold_

"I'm sorry," he said suddenly.

"Huh?" She looked up at him, not understanding.

Hitsugaya turned away from her suddenly, staring out into the night. "Just… sorry. For everything."

"What are you apologizing for?"

Hitsugaya gave a huge sigh and turned to glare at Karin, his eyes flashing. "What do you think? For letting you do all this alone for so long! For leaving you here to fight Hollows alone for all this time, for all the shinigami who abandoned this area and left you here to do their job, even when you didn't have adequate weapons, even when you're not even a soul reaper! I…" Hitsugaya had trouble working out what to say, trouble explaining himself and he glared angrily at Karin as he tried to string it all into sentences.

"I'm just sorry." he said.

Karin looked at Hitsugaya incredously. "It's not even your fault! You've got nothing to do with this! You shouldn't… you shouldn't even be bothered about me, or worried in the slightest! I mean, you're a soul reaper captain! This tiny… town of Karakura… is really none of your business at all!" She didn't mean to, but the last sentence came out wrong. It sounded loud and haggard, almost mean.

She began to tremble, shiver. She muttered, "You shouldn't need to care about this."

But dammit. Inside… she disagreed with her own words. She secretly… she _wanted _him to care.

He stared at her, his icy blue-green eyes piercing. She was defensive, even though he could see her trembling. He remembered the way she acted at school, even with her friends, when he had first come here again. He thought of the look in her eyes, the way she tried so hard to hide her own fear when she saw him again.

His eyes hardened. "Come with me for a moment."

"What?" she asked.

Hitsugaya was impatient. "Come on!" He didn't think, just reached out one hand to grab hers.

"Wait!" snapped Karin, her face suddenly heating up. "I'm not wearing any shoes!!"

Hitsugaya sighed heavily. "Come on. I'll carry you."

She stared at him. He carried her on his back and took a few running steps before launching himself up into the air.

---

_  
I see you walking by  
Your hair always hiding your face  
I wonder why you've been hurting  
I wish I had some way to say  
_

The earphones fell out of her ears as she flew through the air, holding onto Hitsugaya. The air was even colder up here, the wind beating against her face and making her short black hair flutter like mad. She found herself clinging tightly onto Hitsugaya's shihakusho. He noticed this, but said nothing, even though her touch suddenly made his heart rate increase.

He was completely in confusion. He was determined, yes, but what for, he wasn't certain. Still, he didn't understand his actions, why he so impulsively made her come with him.

"Here." he recognized the spot and descended down.

She almost tripped as she got off, flushing and scowling with embarrassment. "What?" she sounded annoyed.

They were here. Here, at the hill that overlooked Karakura, Hitsugaya's favourite sky-watching spot.

Hitsugaya crossed his arms as he stood there, and faced the direction that looked over the sleeping town. "Karin." he said, pointing upwards at the never-ending sky. "Look up there."

"Huh?" Karin raised her head.

Up above her, the night sky stretched for forever, never-ending. It was still a bright dark blue colour, and it made the stars on it seem brighter than usual. There were so many stars. They were scattered all over the deep blue blanket of sky, each one carrying its own light. And even though they were all so small, they each shone so brightly.

It was an amazing sight.

Her eyes widened as she took in the scene, and completely forgot to frown.

"Wow." she murmured, unable to help herself.

Hitsugaya stood there and watched her. _But why? _His heart was troubled. _Why bring her here to show her some stars? What is the purpose in all this? Why…? _He stole a glance at her, and was taken aback by the fact that she wasn't frowning.

No, she was smiling.

Okay, not exactly smiling. More like open-mouthed gawking.

He stared at her.

Watching her… he felt his heart ache. Karin stood there, ahead of him, gazing up and up. Her brown eyes were wide and happy as she stared at the star-littered sky. Even her face was lit up as she gazed out there. Like… all the troubles and burdens she'd been facing didn't exist and couldn't bother her here. Like… like she was… herself again.

Karin Kurosaki.

His stomach felt peculiar. He tried to take his mind off it as he shook his head furiously.

_You're going through so much  
Don't you know that I could be the one to hold you  
_

Karin was overwhelmed. By the force of nature, by the awe of such a sight. She sat down, practically collapsed onto the metal fence, her bare feet tapping against the ground.

For some reason… she felt really tired. Maybe it was just the ride here, through the night sky that made her drowsy. But… her thoughts tired her. She couldn't help thinking… last time… last time Hitsugaya was here. When she'd first met him, she would've been the one to chase after him, to want to know more about him. She would've been the one to drag him around, to show him great things like this… not… not the other way around.

She never got the answer to her question. Why he even bothered with her, why he cared. Karakura… was such a small insignificant town to Soul Society, surely. Why… why did he come here anyway?

Karin's eyes darkened as she sighed and lowered her head. _Toushirou, I… _

"I'm tired." She said bluntly.

Hitsugaya stared at her, still not quite sure what to make of it all.

"But… I dunno…" Karin went on, pulling a face at him. "You're annoying, Toushirou. What's with dragging me out here anyway? My feet are freezing!"

He blinked. Because she sounded just like she used to. Just like the idiotic girl she'd been back when he first met her.

She turned back to the scene in front of her. "Hey, Toushirou…" she said suddenly.

"Hm?" he muttered, not looking at her, just staring out at the dark sky.

"Thanks." she said, staring out at the stars.

He immediately turned to her, disbelief all over his face. "What?" she demanded, her face red.

Hitsugaya smirked as Karin hurriedly tried to explain and regain her tough composure.

"I was just feeling kinda crappy before." she said casually, "But then suddenly, you were out there on the street. And then, you brought me here."

Somehow, from here, everything that had surrounded her before, all the problems that kept weighing down on her, everything she always worried about that had suddenly formed her life seemed gone. 'cause from here, all her problems seemed so insignificant.

She stood up and turned to grin at him. "You really cheered me up! Thanks, Toushirou!"

He looked at her, his icy blue-green eyes wide but serious as always.

Hitsugaya shrugged. "It's no big deal…"

---

Karin crept through the quiet corridors of the Kurosaki home. Light seeped through from under Yuzu's bedroom door and Karin smiled a little bit to herself. It was a good thing that Yuzu was okay again now.

As Karin quietly passed, the light in Yuzu's bedroom clicked off. Karin wondered to herself for a moment what the time was.

She passed by Ichigo's room, and as usual the door was closed and no sound or light could be heard or seen from it. Somewhere inside, she wondered if he was coming back any time soon. Then, she shook her head and decided that he was a useless failure as a brother, as always.

In her own room, she glanced at the school reports and assignments piled on her desk, she could see the angry red marks circled and crossed all over them. She pulled out her earphones and iPod and dropped them onto her desk before collapsing onto her bed.

_Ouch… _she rolled off the wooden sword and picked it up, holding it above her and looking at it. Grumbling, she tossed it away in the corner of her room and fell down onto her back again, gazing up blankly at the ceiling.

…_this is weird. _She pulled a face for apparently no reason. She turned her head to look out the window, watching the dark night sky. He was probably out there somewhere. She snickered to herself. Probably playing Tetris on his phone as usual, under the guise of checking for Hollows.

"_Come with me for a moment." _

Karin recalled Hitsugaya's face. The way his icy eyes were hardened and serious as they stared at her. All the little things about him, like that gravity-defying hairdo, the way that little bit of snowy white hair fell over his eyes. How he smirked and how he always had a bored expression on his face. How he stood with his arms crossed and his hands sometimes tucked into the sleeves of his shihakusho, his white captain's haori billowing in the breeze.

Karin turned away from the window and sank into her pillow, staring out into the darkness of her room. Inside, somewhere deep in the pit of her stomach, something hurt. And it was so strange.

"_Karin. Look up there."_

Karin curled up into a ball, wrapping her arms around her knees, still lying on her side.

She thought of flying through the air, and even though it had been cold and even a bit scary, it had been exhilarating and incredible. She thought of clinging onto Hitsugaya's shihakusho, terrified of falling off. She thought of standing there, watching the never-ending starry sky unfold into the night.

She thought of Hitsugaya standing outside in the street, leaning against the lamppost, looking at his phone. Replayed Hitsugaya standing beside her, shrugging, face expressionless as always as he told her,_ "It's no big deal…" _

And inside, her heart ached and she didn't understand. Her face warmed and grew pink as she lowered her face into her arms.

---

Outside, Hitsugaya stood, by himself. The night breeze brushed past him making his haori billow and his hair ruffle. He crossed his arms, tucking his hands into his shihakusho's sleeves. He looked up at the sky littered with stars above him.

He could imagine where Karin had been just before, right there, beside him, smiling at him. He couldn't help the sudden look of pain flicker across his face. Hitsugaya pulled his gaze away from the sky and glared down painstakingly at the ground beneath his feet.

_I'm stretching but you're just out of reach  
You should know  
I'm ready when you're ready for me  
And I'm waiting for the right time  
For the day I catch your eye  
To let you know  
That I'm yours to hold  
_

Karin grumbled as she stared up at the ceiling. _What the hell?? _She exclaimed in her head. _Why's my face so hot? _

She breathed slowly as she tried to pull herself together, but all she knew was that something was wrong. Very wrong. And she was so frustrated, so confused, not understanding at all. All she knew was that her face was flaming red, just because she was thinking of _him_.

_It's not like… I _like_ Toushirou or anything! _She fumed. Despairingly, she rolled over and glared at the wall. _This sucks!! _She really… didn't need this, whatever it was.

She had enough to worry about, dammit! She didn't need anything else to bother her, didn't want to have to think about this, didn't need to feel this strange… ache inside. She had more than enough things to worry about!!

But…

Karin felt the strange ache inside again and she felt the despair wash over her. Scowling, and forgetting the stars she'd seen tonight, she angrily threw her pillow over her face. _This really sucks…_

_­_---

_I'm stretching but you're just out of reach  
I'm ready when you're ready for me _

---

**End of chapter 5! What did you think? I happened to find this song just in time! I hadn't planned what to use for this chapter, but I just happened to be listening to this and realized that the lyrics matched so well! The song is ****Yours to Hold**** by ****Skillet.**** By the way, Ichigo will be making his return very soon, so get ready! Please review!! **


	6. Bon Bon

**Disclaimer: Bleach does not belong to me!! **

**Sorry so, so much for the incredibly long wait! Everything has been pretty crazy! **

**Thanks for all the reviews, everybody! As I said last week, Ichigo will be returning, and yes, he is! These next few chapters will be more serious I belive, because Karin and Ichigo have things to settle and arguments to have. I hope you enjoy! Read and review!! ^_^**

_Oh Yeah, Because There Is You _

_The sun starts to set like it is hurrying to the far-off sky_

_It stops for a while to show us the fading color of our dreams_

**Chapter 6: Bon Bon**

"Karin! Watch out!"

Karin leapt back, just in time to dodge the Hollow's arm from crashing onto her. The Hollow threw back its head and let out an ear-bursting shrill scream. Both Karin and Jinta winced as the sound pierced their eardrums.

Jinta held his hugely oversized bat in his hands. The red-haired boy glared up at the noisy Hollow.

Karin gritted her teeth as she tightened her grip on her wooden shinai. She had her school bag slung over one shoulder as she ran forward at the Hollow. The black-haired girl jumped up and leapt at the Hollow, raising the wooden sword and bringing it down.

The Hollow mask cracked in two and broke, dispersing into nothingness. The Hollow followed quickly, its howl of pain fading as it crashed to the ground.

"Crap!" Karin said suddenly, as she hurriedly shoved the shinai into her bag. "We're gonna be late for school!"

Jinta pulled a face as he lifted his bat over his shoulder. "What? Karin, since when did you care about school?"

Karin turned red as she snapped. "I don't know! Let's go!!"

Jinta raised an eyebrow, puzzled as he hurried after her.

From overhead, a snowy-haired boy sat on top of the roof of a nearby building. He smirked as he watched Karin run past him. As he watched her, he was suddenly reminded of her smile the night before when she'd seen the stars in the night sky.

Now, she was scowling and shouting at Jinta as she raced down the street to school.

Hitsugaya felt his heart skip a beat. He frowned to himself in confusion. _What was that? _

The Tenth Company Captain crossed his arms as he suddenly felt his face heat up. Immediately, he became very embarrassed and bothered. _This is ridiculous! What is happening to me? _

---

_I wonder why I am here and why me?_

_I wonder why I am here and why I'm alive?_

_I don't mind, I don't mind even if there is no answer_

He was sitting at his spot, on the rail on the edge of the road, the one that overlooked Karakura. He was there, at his favourite spot- his sky-watching place.

It was afternoon, a beautiful sunny afternoon, one in which the sun lit up even the furthest parts of the sky and the clouds and sky boasted so many shades of beautiful warm colours. It was impossibly not to be stunned and awed by the sight.

Really… it was just like the day they met.

---

He wasn't looking at his hollow-detecting phone. That was strange. Instead, he seemed to be in a daze, just sitting there on the rail. His face was tilted towards the orange-coloured sky, but he didn't seem to be really looking, really seeing anything. No… he was in… thought?

Karin couldn't even see his face from here. She was standing on the road, still quite a few metres away from him. He didn't notice her, but she watched him. She couldn't help it.

Just watching him, the captain who seemed to hold all the knowledge and questions of the world, the child prodigy, someone who could be so mature and young at the same time… The way the light shone on his face and how his disheveled snowy hair seemed whiter than ever.

She stopped there. She hadn't realized it, she'd just been walking to the park after school, and she didn't know that she'd suddenly stopped, just because she was so mesmerized by him.

She wasn't smiling. But she wasn't scowling either.

Karin's brown eyes were wide as they looked at him, an unreadable expression on her face. Then very quickly, just for a fraction of a second, a flicker of pain flashed across her eyes and her lip trembled.

_What is this?? _She gritted her teeth and shook her head in frustration. _I… _

Karin threw back her head and let out a world-weary sigh.

From his perch, Hitsugaya blinked at the somewhat familiar sound and turned to the sound.

What he saw was the familiar younger sister of Ichigo Kurosaki with a tremendous frown on her face. Her school bag was hanging over her shoulder by one strap and she carried a soccer ball in a net slung over her other shoulder.

"…Karin?" His voice was evidently surprised, as he jumped to his feet.

Karin raised an eyebrow and looked at him quizzically. "Yeah? What?"

He didn't say anything, just stood there and looked at her, his icy blue-green eyes piercing into hers.

Karin's face grew red. She shuffled uncomfortable, shifting her weight from one foot to the other as she tore her gaze away from him. "What?" she snapped, looking away. "I _know_ it's been ages since I kicked a soccer ball around just for fun, 'kay? I just…"

Hitsugaya watched as Karin scuffed the top of her shoe against the ground.

"…I've missed it."

He watched, a little bewildered as Karin pulled a face, tightening her grip on the net over her shoulder. Then finally, as Karin raised her head again, he smiled at her. Kind of.

Karin gaped.

The smile only lasted for about half a second on Hitsugaya's face before it faded into a kind of wicked smirk. The shinigami captain chuckled to himself as he turned from Karin.

"I see," was all he said.

Karin was silent for a brief moment. "Toushirou," she said suddenly.

Hitsugaya slowly turned to face her again, curious. "Yeah?"

"It's not as fun with just one person!!" Karin complained, as she booted the soccer ball straight at Hitsugaya's face.

Automatically, Hitsugaya headed the ball on his forehead as it came to him, pushing the ball back up into the air and then catching it on his foot, in the crook between his foot and his ankle.

The tenth company captain raised his head to look at Karin. She was standing there, her scowl not on her face, instead, a bright genuine smile.

And Hitsugaya looked at that smile and felt his heart ache.

Karin was grinning now and running past Hitsugaya, motioning for him to go down to the park with her. "Hurry up, Toushirou! Geez!!" Her laugh was truly happy.

And Hitsugaya felt this huge sense of alarm rise up inside his chest.

---

_I wonder why I am here and why I'm with you?_

_I wonder why I am here and why I'm laughing with you?_

_I want to always, always be here like this_

---

It was dark outside. The night air was silent and chilly outside the Kurosaki home. Karin, Yuzu and Isshin were all asleep in their beds and everything seemed eerily still.

From outside the house, there was the sound of footsteps crashing through the front yard.

"Shut up! You're so loud! They're going to wake up!!"

"I can't help it! This body is hard to move in!"

"It's _your _own body!! You just haven't been in it for ages!"

There was silence except for the shuffling of feet along the ground.

"Hey," one of the shadows in the dark said.

"Yeah?" The other one was a lot shorter than the first one. The petite figure picked the way through the dark, pausing outside a bedroom window. The taller figure reached out to slide the window open.

"…it's… really been a long time, eh?" said the deeper voice, the male. "Has it been a year or something?"

"…I think so," the smaller figure replied. She waited patiently as the teenage boy tried to slide open the window. It creaked and both of them jumped in shock, before crouching down, holding their breaths, hoping nobody had heard it.

No sounds came from inside the house.

They simultaneously breathed out a sigh of relief.

He slid open the bedroom window at last, and let the small girl climb in first before heading in himself. The two figures were silent for a moment in the bedroom, simply breathing in its old familiar scent and noticing all the details of the bedroom that seemed so familiar.

"It's been almost over a year," he said.

"Mm."

"…I bet they all hate me now. For abandoning them for so long…"

There was the sound of a closet door sliding open. "It's late. You should go to bed."

There was no response from the taller figure.

The girl sighed softly and for a moment, a hint of kindness slipped into her voice. "Listen, you can't just take back what you've done. If your family hated you and wouldn't welcome you back, then your room wouldn't still be the way you last left it. You'll have tomorrow to worry about tomorrow's things. For now, we're both exhausted from the trip back and everything. Let's just sleep now, okay?"

The taller figure nodded solemnly and crashed down onto his bed, making a creaking noise with the bed and the sheets crumple under him. Someone climbed into the open closet, fitting very neatly and easily onto the shelf. She paused for a moment before sliding the closet door across so that there was only a small gap between the closet wall and the closet door.

"…Goodnight, Rukia," came the tired voice from the bed.

"'night, Ichigo."

**--- **

From her room, Karin was sleeping, even though her thoughts were still alive and kicking. She was thinking, and she was even smiling as she thought, about how things seemed to be getting better.

Some things were confusing and frustrating her though. Things about Hitsugaya and things about herself. Still… today… had been a good day. Surprisingly, she actually wasn't dreading the next day, what she usually did every night.

_Maybe… _she found herself thinking and hoping. _Maybe things are really finally going to get better._

'cause after all this time, after all this time of feeling that she was completely alone and abandoned, _he _came and everything changed. She felt embarrassed as her face turned red and she buried herself deeper under the covers. Today… they'd had a lot of fun playing soccer together this afternoon.

_Even if Ichi-nii doesn't come back for a while, _she thought to herself absentmindedly, _maybe it won't be so bad after all. I… I'm finally thinking that maybe… things will be looking up now. _

She couldn't help the strange sense of worry inside her stomach though. It was weird. Karin turned and curled herself up into a ball under the sheets, her eyes closed, her thoughts still churning away.

Outside, the night air was just as still as it was before. But for some reason, it just felt like a storm was brewing.

---

_We don't know what will happen one moment from now_

_It wouldn't be strange for something to happen_

_I'm wishing eagerly for dreams to come true and our feelings to not disappear_

**Well… sorry for the short chapter!! I'll try to write a better one next time!! Sometimes, I feel so pumped up and excited for this fanfic, but other times I'm down and uninspired. By the way, yes Bon Bon is a weird title for the chapter, but the lyrics are actually very sweet. In the song, "bon bon" is indicating the beating of people's hearts I believe. ****Bon Bon**** is a j-pop song by ****Hey! Say! 7.**** Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter!! Please review!! **


	7. Stand in the Rain

**Hi and thanks for the reviews, everyone! ^_^ Sorry for the really, really, really late update… I'm really, really, really sorry!! _ I was a bit stuck for a while. But here we go, we're starting to gain speed on this story now!! I hope you enjoy this chapter!! **

"Good morning!" came Yuzu's bright and cheerful voice throughout the Kurosaki household. There was the familiar sound of her slippers padding along the wooden floorboards and the sound of her opening cupboards and moving utensils around in the kitchen.

Karin grumbled and turned around in her bed.

"Dad!! Karin!!" Yuzu shouted from the kitchen. "It's time to wake up!!"

The older twin sister smiled to herself as she busied herself with the pots and pans, before she left the kitchen and went into the corridors to wake up the rest of her family.

Karin waited for Yuzu to come banging on her bedroom door but it never came.

Instead, she heard her sister scream.

**Chapter 7: Stand in the Rain**

_She never slows down  
She doesn't know why but  
she knows that when  
She's all alone feels  
Like it's all coming down_

Hitsugaya felt a shiver run down his spine. He looked up at the row of houses down the street. It was early in the morning, but he could hear noise from the Kurosaki household just nearby and he wondered absentmindedly to himself about it.

He paused as he felt a wave of spiritual pressure wash over him. His blue-green eyes widened as he stopped. He recognized that spiritual pressure! He knew exactly who it was!

Hitsugaya sped up, and ran down the streets to the Kurosaki house as fast as he could go.

---

Ichigo was standing in the kitchen, scavenging in the pantry for something to eat. Beside him, stood Rukia, looking like she always did, short and petite, with a nice polite smile on her face.

"I-I-Ichi-nii…" Yuzu was in tears as she stared at her long-lost brother.

Ichigo shuffled his weight from one foot to the other, obviously uncomfortable. "Ehh… hey, Yuzu…"

Only Rukia knew why his response was so stilted. It had been almost a year since they had last been in Karakura, and Ichigo was guilty for abandoning his family for this long. However, Yuzu obviously, didn't seem to mind.

"YOU'RE BACK!! I MISSED YOU!!" The small blonde girl flung herself at Ichigo and wrapped her arms around him.

Ichigo looked surprised and then relieved.

Rukia froze for a moment, as she sensed wavering spiritual pressure nearby. It was pretty strong spiritual pressure, and she recognized it- kind of. It was a lot stronger that she remembered. It grew heavier and closer as its bearer approached.

"Karin will be so happy when she finds out," Yuzu said happily, before pausing and reconsidering what she had said. "…I think."

"You think?" Ichigo frowned, as he carefully pried his little sister away from him, to avoid suffocating.

Then he too, paused and his eyes widened at the shifting in spiritual pressure nearby.

_No way… _He knew this spiritual pressure, he could recognize it! It was Karin's… right? But, it was so much stronger and heavier than he remembered! Surely, she…

Ichigo felt his throat tighten.

Karin's spiritual power had increased so much, in the space of one year. And… one year was a long time.

"Ichi-nii?" Yuzu looked up at her brother with a frown. She could not sense any changing spiritual pressure at all.

Instead, she heard the footsteps heading towards the kitchen, and promptly turned around, with an expectant grin on her face.

"Karin!"

She had stomped in, obviously grumpy with the screaming so early in the morning. She didn't seem all that surprised to see Ichigo and Rukia there, probably because she had sensed them as she neared the doorway.

She was dressed in her usual attire- casual, unfeminine clothing. Her short black hair still fell to just below her chin, like usual and her hands were shoved into the pockets of her shorts, she dragged her feet as she walked in, she didn't meet the gaze of anyone.

Ichigo's eyes were wide as he stared at his younger sister; saw her for the first time in about a year.

She looked up and practically glared straight into her brother's eyes.

"K-Karin…" Ichigo started.

The whole room was silent, waiting for her reaction. It was so tense; the atmosphere in the air was unbearable. Yuzu was practically shivering with apprehension, and Rukia was watching the scene intently.

He had expected Karin to either snap at him or ignore him entirely. However, she did neither.

She still had not said a thing since she'd entered the kitchen. She turned as if she was looking for something, and then turned back around again.

Ichigo's eyes narrowed. They settled on the grazes and bruises all over Karin's arms, and the cuts up and down her legs.

Immediately, the anger welled up inside him at the sight of his kid sister being in such a state. He grew angrier still as he felt the waves of her ragged and large amount of spiritual energy.

"What have you been _doing,_ Karin?" He snapped. "Why are you… why are you all battered and bruised like that??"

Karin glared up at Ichigo. Her mouth curled up into a hateful sneer. "What do you think I've been doing?"

Ichigo straightened up and drew himself to his full height. "You've been fighting Hollows!"

Karin rolled her eyes.

"Don't you know it's dangerous? You should know the Hollows these days are more lethal than ever, what with the arrancars and the- oh, never mind, you wouldn't know about them!" Ichigo said loudly, "But you shouldn't have to fight them, in your state, you can't possibly do much about them at all!"

"In _my _state?" Karin repeated, her eyes fiery, and Ichigo tensed as her spiritual pressure raged again around her. "What would _you_ know about my state, Ichi-nii?? Oh wait, you haven't been around in… let's see, about a _whole year?_" her teeth were bared and her words were spiteful and mocking.

Ichigo was lost at words for a moment, but he quickly retaliated, being protective of his little sister, who had been fighting Hollows during the whole time he was away. "But you shouldn't have to do this!! You're not even a shinigami; you have no sword, no weapon like Jinta or Ururu, you-"

"If I didn't do it, who would?" Karin shouted.

Karin was seething now, the undisguised anger and hatred spilling out from her as she shouted at Ichigo. It had been a whole year, she'd suffered enough. She'd spent all this time fighting, mostly alone, spent all this time dealing with her increasing spirit energy, spent all this time trying to protect whoever needed help, trying so hard to juggle her family and friends, failing in her schoolwork…

"You _left_, Ichi-nii!! You and your friends!" She glanced at Rukia for a fraction of a second before continuing to rant at Ichigo. "Every single one of you!!" Karin shouted, and Ichigo winced.

She was furious and her chest heaved up and down in exhilaration from the shouting. "It's been a whole year, dammit! And the first thing you do when you come back is yell at me for being all beaten up like this!"

"What would you know?" Karin said loudly.

_She won't turn around  
The shadows are long  
And she fears if she cries  
That first tear  
The tears will not stop  
Raining down_

She tore her eyes away from her older brother and glared down at the floor, her short black hair falling over her eyes. She clenched her fists and repeated, once again, but this time softer, her voice more strained. "…what would you know?"

"You have no idea, Ichi-nii!" She said, still not looking up at him, her fists still tightened. "You… don't know anything. You left; you left me to deal with everything by myself. Even though you knew… you _knew _I had no soul reaper powers, you _knew _Yuzu and Dad can't do anything against the Hollows, you _know _that!! But you still don't know what it was like. You… you have no idea!"

Karin looked up for a split second, and maybe there had been tears in her eyes, but it was uncertain. She turned her head away from her brother, and stormed out of the room.

"…Karin…" Yuzu's voice was tearful as she stared after her twin sister.

Then Ichigo saw what Karin had been looking for before. His eyes widened and pain flickered across his face. There was a wooden shinai sword lying there on the kitchen counter.

"…_you have no idea!" _

_You don't know… _

…_just how lonely I was. _

---

_She won't make a sound  
Alone in this fight with herself  
And the fears whispering  
If she stands, she'll fall down  
_

---

Ichigo let out an expletive.

Yuzu was speechless.

Rukia said nothing.

Ichigo covered his face with one of his hands for a moment, breathing in and out slowly. Then he swore again. "How could I have been so stupid??"

"Beats me," Rukia murmured.

Yuzu wandered, somewhat absentmindedly over to the couch and collapsed down there. She was silent and worry still etched onto her face.

_And where the hell did she get this anyway? _Ichigo thought suspiciously as he picked up the wooden sword Karin had left behind. It was a Shinigami Academy approved sword.

Yuzu suddenly began to talk. "…Karin… changed after you left, Ichi-nii."

Ichigo turned to look over at his younger sister, his eyes narrowed, serious.

"She… closed herself off from us – from me and Dad." Yuzu closed her eyes and leant back against the couch. "And we… never really talked anymore. But she was always out late, she was late for dinner, y'know, and Dad got angry. And she misses a lot of school, her grades are failing and the teachers keep complaining. But she never tells us what's going on- though I know that sometimes she and Hanakari are out fighting Hollows together…"

Ichigo tightened his fingers around the wooden sword and gazed down at his feet.

"And… and when we try to talk to her, she never really answers. She always shuts herself away in her room, she always has her iPod earphones stuck in her ears, it's like she never hears us…"

_If nobody ever seems to notice… if no-one will even understand, why… why should you even bother? Why should you even bother to listen to their useless words? They don't know… they don't understand anything… _

_I'm so sick… I'm so sick of all their complaining, all their words… just 'cause I'm not being who I should be- just 'cause I wasn't in school this morning, just 'cause, no, I don't know what the answer to that question is, just 'cause… _

_If all everyone has to tell you is that… why… bother listening anymore?_

_Why not… just block it all out? Why can't I… just put in those earphones and drown it all out? I… I don't need to… listen to them… _

_I don't want to listen to anyone anymore. Not when… they can't even hear my pain. _

---

_She wants to be found but  
The only way out is through  
everything she's running from  
Wants to give up and lie down_

"But she really… she really still cares, I know she does!" Yuzu's eyes were bright and wet. "Because she…"

_She was there for me when I was hurt and crying. _Yuzu thought to herself, remembering the incident before with Jinta.

Suddenly, it flashed back to Yuzu. That time… when she'd accidentally caught Karin standing at Ichigo's bedroom door. She remembered the look of shock and fear on Karin's face before it hardened and she left quickly.

"Oh…" Yuzu realized, and the tears began to run down her face.

"What? What?" Ichigo was alarmed.

But Yuzu did not answer. Instead she pulled her legs up onto the couch, drew her knees up to her chest and hugged herself as she wept quietly.

"No wonder…" Rukia muttered. She was now seated at the table, her blue eyes lowered. Rukia's voice was quiet. "She had so much responsibility dumped on her, so many things that she couldn't tell anyone. And even though she must've suffered by herself… nobody even noticed."

Ichigo dropped the wooden sword. It fell with a gentle clatter.

Immediately, he felt the guilt and regret rising up in the pit of his stomach.

---

_So stand in the rain  
Stand your ground  
Stand up when it's all crashing down  
Stand through the pain  
You won't drown  
And one day what's lost can be found  
_

---

Dammit. Dammit!! Why couldn't he run faster? What was with this pathetic gigai of a body anyway? Why? He needed to move faster, faster!

He felt the raging, the rising, and the falling of the spiritual energy nearby. Oh, but why… why did it take so long for him to get there?

He suddenly thought of all those times, all those times with her, when he'd noticed the things about her that had changed from before. He thought of how she walked, how she'd kept to herself when she went to school, how she didn't even respond much to her friends anymore.

And how… how she'd yelled at him when she saw him again. And how hard it was to read that expression on her face… how her eyes were dark and angry, but also… also relieved? Happy?

Hitsugaya finally saw the Kurosaki household up ahead of him. But… he realized, with shock, that her spiritual pressure was already long gone from it.

…_I was lonely._

---

_So stand in the rain  
Stand your ground  
Stand up when it's all crashing down  
You stand through the pain  
You won't drown  
And one day what's lost can be found  
You stand in the rain_

In the kitchen, it was quiet and the scene was so somber. The air was thick with tension because at last, everyone had realized.

Yuzu made a movement from her curled-up position on the couch. She raised her head up from behind her knees and swallowed, the tear streaks still visible on her cheeks.

"…I never realized," Yuzu sniffed. "I was here all along… this whole year, I was here with her, but even so, I never noticed! I never knew, I never even noticed she was lonely…!"

"…I noticed!!"

It was a new voice, coming from the doorway of the kitchen.

Ichigo, Rukia and Yuzu all jerked up at the sudden voice.

"T-Toushirou!!" Ichigo was stunned.

He didn't even bother to correct him. Hitsugaya stood there in the doorway, breathing hard, long pants of exhaustion, having obviously run all the way here. His snowy white hair fell limply and messily over his blue-green eyes.

It wasn't easy to see his face, and he kept his gaze downward as he muttered the words out. He sounded almost irritated, frustrated with himself. And his words were heavy, pained, as he thought of Karin.

They stared at him, dumbstruck.

"I noticed…" Hitsugaya murmured, his voice ragged, his eyes still lowered to the floor.

"I noticed she was lonely."

**End of chapter 7!! Well, I'm pleasantly surprised at how this went! Yeah, this was a chapter that gave me a headache for about 5 weeks! But I hope it was worth the wait, 'cause this turned out better than I expected! The song that was used in this chapter was ****Stand in the Rain**** by ****Superchick****. This song was suggested by Raye1084 and Kaze no Sakura. Thanks, guys! **

**Anyway, I will be away for the next two weeks, so you'll have to be patient for the next update! Of course, you have already all been very patient for this chapter, so once again, thankyou so much!!**

**Oh yeah, and since many of you are hitsukarin fans, I highly advise you to vote for your favourite hitsukarin fanfic out of the nominated ones. You can do this from Swords Heart's profile! I've put the link on my profile! Thanks for reading! Please review! ^_^ **


	8. The Last Night

**Hello and welcome to chapter 8! Thankyou so much for all the reviews, everyone! ^_^ Yeah, I know that Hitsugaya wasn't in the last chapter much at all, but he will be playing a much more major role in this chappie! And yeah, there hasn't been much hitsukarin-ness in this fic so far, it's really Karin-focused. But it will change! After all, Karin's growing up!! Enjoy Chapter 8! Read and review! **

If, for example, a person's spiritual energy was like the flame of a candle; would it flicker and die out when the heaviness and burdens closed in on it?

**Chapter 8: The Last Night**

Hitsugaya was running down the street. It was well past morning, the sun was up and high in the sky, but Karakura still seemed sleepy and silent. However, the sound of Hitsugaya's frantic heart beating away loudly in his chest seemed to compensate for the silence, as well as the rhythmic thumping of his feet against the pavement.

He paused for a moment, along the street, near the park and looked up into the sky.

He could sense her spiritual pressure. It was there, but it felt faint and wavering. And then, Hitsugaya knew, he didn't have to trace her from her spiritual pressure. He knew exactly where she was.

---

_You come to me with scars on your wrist  
You tell me this will be the last night feeling like this_

_I just came to say goodbye  
I didn't want you to see me cry, I'm fine  
But I know it's a lie._

---

Karin sat alone on the rail on the hill that overlooked Karakura. Her black hair was limply falling over her eyes and she was staring dully down at her feet, ignoring the view of the sky, and the town in front of her.

_I can't believe… Ichi-nii actually came back. But I don't know… after all that's happened, after all this time, where do I go from here?_

_Is he… going to stay this time? Or maybe, it'll just be like it always used to be. Only I… can hardly remember what it used to be like anymore._

Karin hunched over, her arms dangling down over her legs, seeing the bruises and grazes all over them that still hadn't faded away. She thought of how exhausting everything was. She tried to remember what she was meant to be doing- was there some exam in school coming up? When was the last time she had played soccer with her friends? There were no Hollows around; she could sense that, but… but…

She was a mess.

_This last year… has been hell. _

To her horror, her vision became blurry and filled with heated tears. It was stupid, she grew frustrated as she stayed still, waiting for the tears to clear away. But they didn't. She felt the snot dripping out of her nose, the tears seeping out of the corners of her eyes, and it felt terrible. Dammit, it hurt. It really hurt.

_I was lonely, okay? _

_I know… I don't seem like someone who would feel that way, who would even seem to care when left alone, but I… I needed someone. I needed someone to hold onto all this time, okay? _

_I know… I know that I was cold and detached and I shut myself off from everyone else! I know that I… I didn't do anything to help my own situation; I know that I myself pushed others away from me! But even so… I… _

_I… _

Karin could hardly see anything at all, her vision was so blurred, and her eyes were so wet. But she grit her teeth, refusing to let those tears fall. She clenched her fingers into fists and told herself to get over it.

She thought of Hitsugaya, and inside, her stomach, her chest, her heart… it all hurt.

_Why… didn't you come back earlier? Maybe… if you had been here while Ichi-nii was away, then maybe… maybe I wouldn't be like this._

She thought of Ichigo.

_Ichi-nii… you're stupid. Why… did you have to react that way when I saw you again? Why do you have to act the role of protective older brother when you weren't even here all this time?? What gives you the bloody right to act like that? WHY??_

Karin felt her blood boil as she felt the anger course through her. And she hated it, she hated this. She felt so useless, so weak, so…

Heck, she didn't even know what words she could use to describe anything anymore. Why bother?

_Why… everything is falling apart at the seams… _

---

_Your parents say everything is your fault  
But they don't know you like I know you _

_They don't know you at all_

_  
I'm so sick of when they say  
It's just a phase, you'll be o.k. you're fine  
But I know it's a lie._

"KARIN!"

She froze.

Hitsugaya stood there, where he could see her, still a few metres away. He was standing exactly where Karin had been standing when she first came to pester Hitsugaya to join her soccer team, so long ago.

If she had looked up, she would've seen that his white hair was even more disheveled than it usually was, and that he was breathing hard, exhausted from running so hard. If she had looked up, she would've found reason to smirk and later give him crap for being so worried about her.

She refused to look at him. She was so ashamed; she was a mess, okay? She couldn't see anything, 'cause she was still fighting this losing battle with the tears in her eyes.

"…What do you want?" She muttered, her voice ragged, looking away from him.

"Karin…" His voice was a little confused, but worried. Measured, as usual.

She could hear his footsteps coming closer towards her and she tightened her fists as she kept refusing to look at him. But… damn, these tears weren't going away, were they? She couldn't see anything at all.

"Go away," she snarled, though her voice was so ragged it didn't sound threatening at all.

Hitsugaya stood there. He paused, unsure of what to do or say next.

She didn't move.

Hitsugaya walked over and sat down next to her. He didn't look at her, instead staring out at the scenery that was his favourite- out here at his sky-watching spot.

"…It'll be okay." Hitsugaya said, his expression not even changing on his face, his voice as monotone as he could make it.

Karin snorted, disbelieving. A strangled sob-like sound rose up in her throat as she spoke, spitefully. "I've heard that so many times."

"…then I don't know what to say," Hitsugaya said quietly.

"…you don't have to say anything," Karin replied and was silent.

---

"_I noticed she was lonely." Hitsugaya said, his breathing heavy from exhaustion. _

_Ichigo gaped at the Tenth Company Captain. "Wha- What are you doing here, Toushirou?"_

_Hitsugaya didn't even bother to correct Ichigo. Hitsugaya's blue-green eyes were dark and burdened, and he leaned against the doorframe, trying to catch his breath back. _

"_I know… that maybe I don't even know her that well…" Hitsugaya said quietly. "But… I noticed that she had changed when I came back. 'cause… well…" Hitsugaya kept his eyes on the floor, and his mouth curved upwards in a fake smile. "She… doesn't smile like she used to." _

_Ichigo gave out a huge frustrated groan and sank down into the couch. He buried his face in his hands. "I'm such an idiot."_

"_What was I thinking?" He asked aloud to himself. The orange-haired boy lifted up his head and stared at Hitsugaya. "Even crabby Toushirou noticed!"_

"_You're using up the times I'll forgive you, Kurosaki." Hitsugaya said, irritated. _

---

"…Karin?" Hitsugaya asked, looking over at her.

She was hunched over, silent, but her shoulders were trembling so slightly.

He frowned and reached over towards her. She recoiled as his hand touched her shoulder, pulling away and looking up at him.

There were droplets falling onto the ground, dripping onto her lap and leaving small dark spots.

Hitsugaya stared.

Karin's face was screwed up, her shoulders were shaking, her fingers clenched into fists so tight that her knuckles were turning white. And tears were streaming down her face.

Hitsugaya opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. His hand was still reached out to grab her shoulder and it was still raised up there in midair. He swallowed, clenched his fingers back into a fist and lowered it.

Hitsugaya sat. And Karin cried.

---

_The night is so long when everything's wrong  
If you give me your hand I will help you hold on  
Tonight,  
Tonight._

She cried like a baby. Because she was frustrated, because she was hurt, because everything she had been hiding and bottling up inside came flooding out. Her face was wet, her hair was messy, her nose was runny, she kept wiping her face with her hands, because the tears just kept coming.

And even so, Hitsugaya couldn't figure out a single thing to say.

Hitsugaya couldn't work out how long she cried for, but it felt like forever. Maybe because it had been so long since she had last cried, maybe because she had been holding this all in for so long.

Maybe… she had never cried, not even once during that time while Ichigo was away.

"…this is stupid!" she spat out, in her tears. "Why… why am I crying now?" She went on, her eyes wide, holding out her hands, palms upward, asking aloud to no-one in particular. "Shouldn't I be… happy that Ichi-nii is back??"

Hitsugaya watched her, his face grave.

"But I… I'm so… frustrated! I… I'm so sick of it all! Why…?" Damn. She was so confused. She was so hurt. Everything… This was just ridiculous.

"Because I spent all this time trying to keep it all in, and because Yuzu and Dad don't have the same spiritual energy as I do, they didn't understand! And even though I know I didn't have a weapon like Jinta or Ururu, I knew I had to do it, I knew I had to fight! 'cause even though I… _pretended _that I might not care, I couldn't just _let _innocent people get hurt!" The words just came pouring out of her, accompanied by hiccups and sobs.

"…and I spent all this time being angry at Ichi-nii, and blaming him for everything! 'cause if he hadn't left, if he hadn't left me all alone to do everything by myself… then none of this would've happened!" Karin lowered her head and stared desperately down at her feet, watching as the tears dripped onto her shoes and the pavement.

"…but I know that I stuffed up! I know… I know that I tried so hard to become cold and distant, I ended up abandoning people like Yuzu! 'cause I didn't want to depend on anyone else… and I didn't have anyone I could talk to… and even if I did, how could I possibly explain anything? And I was so sick of it all… and Dad keeps trying to get me to talk, he keeps trying to act all fatherly and hear about what might be happening, but I just can't tell him! And nobody ever notices, no-one ever realized how much I was actually hurting!"

"And… and…!" Karin went on, lifting her head up again, her face wet from all her tears, her eyes wide. "And all the time, I had all these teachers on my back, asking me what was up with my schoolwork, why I kept missing school, why I fell asleep in class, why I couldn't answer any of their questions, why… and they kept calling Dad, kept showing him my test scores…! And even when Dad confronted me about them, I couldn't tell him either! Even when Dad, who's usually a goofy idiot, became angry and shouted at me, I couldn't explain, because he never noticed anything either!!"

"…and it was… really lonely," Karin muttered. "…but nobody knew, 'cause I hid it all so well!"

Hitsugaya stared at her, his blue-green eyes narrowed, his mouth set in a firm line.

"…maybe… all this time… I just really needed Ichi-nii 'cause he would've known… what it was like to be burdened with so much spiritual energy. And if he had been here, I wouldn't have been the only one left to deal with the Hollows. I dunno… it's been like a year…"

'_cause… growing up… is so difficult. _

Karin's sobs and tears had somewhat subsided a bit. She looked straight ahead over Karakura, her breathing slow and steadier now, though the tearstains were still obvious on her cheeks.

Hitsugaya looked away too, speechless.

"It seemed like… I would be okay… even though all this time I was hurting, and it was so lonely I couldn't stand it… but I figured… if maybe… if I plug in my earphones and drown it all out, maybe it would drown out all my sorrows as well? Maybe… it would drown out all the voices outside yelling at me, the voices that kept pestering me about what was wrong, about why I was failing school, why I had _changed_ and all that…!"

Karin rubbed away tears from her eyes with a hand. "It's all… so stupid, now that I think about it. I worked so hard to build up a shell around me- to be cold and distant, to seem like I didn't care, 'cause I thought that maybe it would work, maybe I could stand it. Maybe it didn't matter if I was lonely, maybe if I just kept everything all hidden, all buried and locked away… I could be emotionless, so that I just wouldn't care anymore!"

"And… maybe… just _maybe, _it seemed to be working!" Karin said, louder. "If I… kept it inside, if I kept being angry at Ichi-nii on the inside, if I blamed him for everything… if I kept my distance from everyone else, if I was cold and built a shield around me, then… then maybe I could survive… even if nobody ever noticed."

Hitsugaya was silent, letting Karin's words sink in.

Karin sighed heavily, wearily. Her mouth stretched in a strange, sarcastic, painful smile. "But then… _you_ came."

Hitsugaya turned to look at her, shocked.

Karin didn't raise her head to return his gaze.

_And then… _you _came. And everything… just kinda… spiraled out of control… _

"I still… don't know why you came back… and I was so pissed at you when you did, 'cause… 'cause it had been so long. And I… well…" Karin trailed off.

_I don't even know… if you were adding to my difficulties, or lightening them. _

"Because… I didn't notice it at first… but the little things that you did, like giving me that wooden sword… or just being around… you were so weird, Toushirou… you were there and you never even said that much, and you took me out when it was night to show me the stars…"

Karin turned red and embarrassed, becoming fidgety suddenly. She stared down at her feet.

_All those things… they sometimes even made me smile, though I tried not to let you see. _

_But then… afterwards… sometimes when I was by myself, when it was dark or something… it hurt. 'cause I can't work it out! You… seem to make things better, but then afterwards, I don't know why, my chest hurts… sometimes… just seeing you… it doesn't make anything better, it just… _

Hitsugaya looked at Karin; he was frowning slightly, because he didn't get it. "…what…" he started, the first thing he'd said in a long while. "What are you trying to say, Karin?"

She was sullen, embarrassed. "I don't know."

She looked at him, finally. "…I…" And then she looked sheepish and irritated. "You didn't have to come and listen to all this…"

Her face was slightly red and she was ashamed of having bawled like a baby. Karin's eyes were still watery, and her short black hair was very ruffled. Her face was a little wet and tearstained. Her hands were tightened into fist on her lap.

Hitsugaya watched her.

She sniffed, her eyes still tearful, flushing a bit from embarrassment. Her dark eyes were still sad; they were a bit puffy from all the crying.

_I won't let you say goodbye,  
I'll be your reason why._

The last night away from me,  
Away from me.

Hitsugaya watched her and he didn't know why, something inside ached. And she…

He frowned. She was just… so endearing.

Even though she had poured everything out, even though she had cried like a baby, and she'd ranted on and told Hitsugaya everything that had been bothering her… even so… she was Karin, and she tried to be strong- so here she was, flushing and embarrassed of having cried like that.

Hitsugaya didn't know why. He just… He just reached out and pulled Karin towards him, and hugged her.

**Um… that was chapter 8! I hope you liked it! That was also a real headache of a chapter, a real pain to write. Particularly that last part, 'cause I had an idea of what I wanted, but I didn't know how to do it! The song was ****The Last Night**** by ****Skillet.**** Thanks for reading! ^_^ Please review! **


	9. Story of a Girl

**Welcome to chapter 9! Thanks for all the reviews! And once again, sorry for the long wait! Yes, I know it's become a horrible habit, all this late updating… _ I promise to do better!! But it's nearing the end of the year, so I'll have a bit more time on my hands! The song used here is ****Story of a Girl **** by ****Nine Days.**** And haha, we all guessed it'd be used some time, eh? I thought that someone had suggested this one, but I couldn't find out who it was. Anway, please read and review!! emichii!**

**Chapter 9- Story of a Girl**

"Karin."

"…yeah?" she turned and looked at him.

Hitsugaya stared at her. She had stopped walking and was standing there, watching him with wide brown eyes. Somewhere on her face were the faint remains of tear marks, but they were far away now. She wasn't scowling, or smirking, or smiling. She was just looking at him curiously.

And it was that innocent blank expression that confused him.

He opened his mouth to speak and then closed it again. "Never mind," he muttered, looking away.

Karin pulled a bit of a quizzical expression and then shrugged and kept on walking.

He couldn't help a small smile on his lips. That was just the way she was. Even after she had poured out her heart to him, even after she had cried in his arms, she was quick to regain her composure, quick to put on a defiant scowl and pretend she had never acted so weak. Because Karin always had her pride.

---

_She was still, confused. She gritted her teeth and struggled to keep the tears from coming. _

"_Toushirou?" She still stayed there, sitting very still and disconnected from him, like she didn't want his embrace._

_He continued to hold her, and didn't move. Her head was against his shoulder, she was peeking over it, and he felt her tremble. _

"…_I'm sorry." He told her, so solemnly. Even then, his voice was controlled and seemingly emotionless. _

_Karin hiccupped, her shoulders, shivering. Her face was still scrunched up; she was biting her lip, her eyes lowered, and the watery tears building up. _

"_I'm sorry… I don't know what else to do," he said honestly, frowning, his blue-green eyes narrowed. "But… it's okay. Karin… it's okay. Just… let it out, all right?" _

_He was not very good with words. But he did his best._

_She was still for another moment, reluctant. And then she buried her face in his shoulder so that he couldn't see her face, and held onto him. _

_--- _

"Um…" Karin murmured, as she walked, ahead of Hitsugaya. She was looking off to the side, where she could see the town of Karakura stretched out in front of them, with the orange glow of the sky shining down upon it.

"Yeah?" He asked, pausing.

She turned around and smiled at him. "Thanks, Toushirou."

It was just like that. She didn't say anything else, didn't explain why or anything more than that. But…

Hitsugaya stared at her, wide-eyed. He swallowed and for some reason, with some difficulty shrugged and muttered some reply, turning his head away from her.

"…it was nothing."

---

_This is the story of a girl  
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world  
And while she looks so sad in photographs  
I absolutely love her  
When she smiles  
_

---

"Oi, Karin!"

Karin looked up, an earphone falling out of one ear.

Ichigo was standing outside her bedroom door, holding the door open with one arm and sticking his head inside to look at her.

"Uhh…there's a couple of hollows on the east side of Karakura…" the orange-haired teen said, slightly awkwardly, "…do you wanna come take care of them with me?"

Karin stared at her older brother.

It had been a couple of days since Ichigo returned and after the big meltdown with Hitsugaya, he had convinced her to go back and patch things up with a very apologetic big brother. However, it still felt a bit awkward having him and Rukia back in the house again. And Karin, well… she couldn't help holding a bit of a grudge. It had been a long time after all.

"…Karin?" Ichigo frowned, worried, the guilt appearing on his face.

She pulled the other earphone out and left the iPod on the desk. She seemed to be reluctant as she got up out of her seat. But secretly, she was delighted.

She turned and looked at Hitsugaya, who was sitting on the windowsill with a stack of paperwork piled up on his lap and strewn everywhere around him.

Hitsugaya gazed up at her with his blank blue-green eyes. He didn't have to say anything for her to understand.

_Go on. _He turned his attention back to his paperwork.

The side of her mouth twitched as she hid a smile. Only Hitsugaya saw it. Ichigo was still standing at the doorway, confused and feeling bad.

"All right," Karin muttered, not looking at her brother, still in the pretense that she was reluctant to go.

Karin grabbed the wooden sword off her bed and followed Ichigo out.

From his spot on the windowsill, Hitsugaya moved the sheet he was reading off the top of the pile in front of him and tossed it in the pile beside him. But he didn't go straight back into working, instead lifting up his head and staring out the open doorway where Karin had just been.

He could easily feel their spiritual pressure as the two powerful Kurosaki siblings made their way towards the Hollows. Hitsugaya's eyes flickered back down to the paperwork, not taking in any of the words.

For some reason, his chest hurt.

---

_How many days in a year  
She woke up with hope but she only found tears?  
I can be so insincere  
Making the promises never for real  
_

---

"Toushirou!!" She was standing there on the soccer field, the soccer ball at her feet.

He stood there, up on the hill, looking down at her.

She was cheerful, and today a smile adorned her normally scowling face. It was funny… after all this time, he'd come back and she'd been so down and cold. But now she was smiling again.

"Toushirou!! I'm talking to you!" the short-lived smile vanished and she scowled up at him.

Damn. It frustrated him. Who was it that made her smile? Sure, she'd been hell angry at Ichigo when he came back, but now… it'd been about a week and she was as happy as ever.

_Why am I even here? _He found himself pissed all of a sudden, really angry. _What did I think I was meant to achieve, spending all this time with her, anyway? This is stupid!! I… _

She was glaring up at him.

"What?" He finally yelled back. He couldn't help it; he was in a bad mood now. His icy blue-green eyes pierced into her brown ones.

And then she pulled out her secret attack.

She grinned, carefreely, as she kicked up the soccer ball. "Get down here and play with me!!"

_And the clothes that you wear  
Look swell the next day  
Your hair never falls in quite the same way  
You never seem to run out of things to say  
_

He took in a sharp breath and found that the anger was subsiding. She was still standing down there, juggling the soccer ball up and down on her foot, waiting for his answer. Not that she needed an answer; he knew that she'd drag him down there whatever he said.

"Okay," he agreed softly, only she wouldn't have heard anyway.

---

_How many lovers would stay?  
Just to put up with this shit day after day  
How did we wind up this way?  
Watching our mouths for the words that we say  
_

"Hey, you know what?" Karin said happily as she kicked the ball across the grass towards him.

"Mm?" He easily stopped the ball and sent it back to her.

She grinned, not caring anymore about being scowly or showing a tough exterior. "Ichi-nii and I took down some pretty high-level Hollows yesterday! It was pretty sick, we totally kicked their butts!"

He heard what she said, but didn't really give a response.

Ichigo and Karin had made it a regular activity to go Hollow-hunting together these days. It seemed like a long time ago when Karin had glanced back at Hitsugaya, reluctant to go with Ichigo.

_She must be happy now. This must be what she wanted, right? _He thought to himself, absentmindedly passing the soccer ball across the grass.

These days, he visited her but they didn't spend that much time together anymore. She went off with Ichigo to hunt Hollows a lot, she even spent time with her old soccer friends again, and she sometimes went off to hang out at Urahara Shoten with Ururu, Jinta and Yuzu. Often, Hitsugaya ended up wandering around Karakura once he got sick of the stack of paperwork he was constantly occupied with.

_Well… at least she's herself again. _He thought, _I'm glad that she's happy, and that she's smiling freely again. She was… just having trouble before without her big brother around, and taking the burdens of dealing with all the Hollows in Karakura by herself. _

"TOUSHIROU!! WATCH OOUUUTT!!"

The tenth company captain snapped out of his daze, to see a soccer ball come flying straight into his face. He was stunned, and simply let himself get knocked down onto the grass.

"Toushirou!! Gee!" He heard her footsteps coming towards him, and then she sat down beside him. He didn't even want to sit up, just stayed there, lying in the grass.

She was chuckling. "You were totally zoned out! What happened to your super soul reaper captain reflexes, eh?"

He was silent for a moment, processing all his thoughts.

Suddenly, he sat up, quickly. "Karin," he said, seriously.

She stared at him. "Yeah?"

He opened his mouth to speak, all the time his mind was so heavy with all these thoughts rampaging throughout it. Damn, he was so confused, and he was so frustrated over what he was meant to do, where he was meant to go now, what he was supposed to say to her.

"I…"

_I'm thinking… Karin, I think that I… _

But he couldn't work out how to tell her.

He frowned, turned his head away with a bit of a disgruntled sigh. She was confused, still watching him.

_Karin, you… you're much happier now, aren't you? I… I don't really have any reason for being here anymore. _

He lifted up his head again and stared at Karin, his icy blue green eyes piercing, serious.

_I think… I'm going to go back to Soul Society._

His throat felt dry, and he opened his mouth to speak. "…I..." he faltered, and then looked away, "…never mind."

Karin was confused. "What? What is it?"

He got to his feet, turning away from her. "No, don't worry. It… doesn't matter anyway."

She jumped to her feet too, a scowl on her face, accusing. "Toushirou! Seriously, what were you going to say? You don't just suddenly get all serious and then decide to leave it!"

"I told you, it doesn't matter!" Hitsugaya snapped.

She stood there, and watched him walk off, his back to her.

_I don't believe… that I'm even that important to you in the first place. But even so… I don't want to have to tell you that I'm leaving. For all I know, you probably won't care either way, but I…_

Hitsugaya clenched his fists as he moved off, still feeling Karin's presence wavering behind him.

_I guess… in the end, I'm selfish. 'cause maybe I thought… that if I told you, you'd get upset and want me to stay. _

He felt his mouth curve in a bitter smile. _Of course… it doesn't matter anyway._

She was still silent, obviously hurt. Even though Hitsugaya could often have a sharp tongue; he figured that Karin would quickly bounce back in time. He sighed under his breath and turned around to face her. She was there, not watching him, stooping down to pick up the soccer ball that had been at her feet.

When she looked up, she was surprised to find the stoic Tenth Company Captain still there, with an apologetic smile on his face.

_This is the story of a girl  
Her pretty face she hid from the world  
And while she looks so sad and lonely there  
I absolutely love her  
_

"Sorry," he said ruefully. "I didn't mean to snap at you."

She was very quick to respond. She gave him a wide wicked grin, straightening up and tucking the soccer ball under her arm. "Yeah. It's okay."

She ran to catch up to him.

_Actually, I didn't want to tell you in the end. _

He watched as she gained speed and ran before him, energetic. She turned around and smiled at him, she had completely forgiven him.

"C'mon Toushirou! Hurry up!"

_This is the story of a girl  
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world  
And while she looks so sad in photographs  
_

Maybe… in a way, coming here to Karakura, he should be satisfied. After all, his friend- the substitute soul reaper's sister was smiling again.

"Yeah. I'm coming," he mumbled and quickened his pace.

Yeah, he knew he was leaving. But he couldn't tell her. Yeah… cause in the end, actually… whether he was selfish or not, whether he wanted to stay or not, whether he just wanted to see if she would be upset over him leaving…

_I absolutely love her_

_When she smiles_

He couldn't tell her.

_Because I didn't want to see your smile vanish ever again. _

**Bahaha! I actually really wanted to put THE END there, but I figured that it would be cruel and confuse you all, when the story is going to keep going! Anyway, we've reached another one of those points when I could end it right there, and make it a beautiful but not quite happy ending. Oh well. Hold onto your hats guys, we're gathering momentum now!! This chapter was spread out over a longer period of time, so I hope you understand that! ^_^ Anyway, I'm pretty proud of this chapter!! So I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did! Reviews are always appreciated! **


	10. Part of a Fool

**Thankyou very much for all the reviews! ^_^ YESS!! I AM OFFICIALLY FINISHED WITH SCHOOL THIS YEAR!!! So… I hope to work very hard on my fanfiction! Please enjoy chapter 10! Wow, we're up to chapter 10!! Read and review! **

**Chapter 10- Part of a Fool**

"…So… I've been meaning to ask," Hitsugaya said, trying to look nonchalant. "…What exactly is that and how do you use it?"

Karin turned her head slowly to the shinigami captain with a look of disbelief.

Hitsugaya's face heated up and he immediately defended himself, "I never got a good look at it, okay? I mean, I know you're always wearing it and that it plays music into your ears but…"

Karin's sarcastic look faded as she smiled a little bit and held out the small device to him. "It's called an iPod. And yes, you're right; it does play music into your ears."

She watched the Tenth Company captain cautiously place one earphone into his ear and peer down at the screen, pressing each button to see what would happen. His face was in a frown of fierce concentration, putting together more information about the Human World, about their current technology.

Karin felt her mouth stretch into a smile as she watched him. The way he was so intrigued by it, the reason why he'd neglected to mention or ask before because he had been worrying about her, the way he frowned and pulled different facial expressions as he was working out the controls was… kinda cute.

Almost immediately, she felt the disbelief bursting out from inside her. The small smile on her face was gone before she'd even begun it. _Whaat? _She shook her head, a scowl now on her face. She snorted silently to herself. What the heck? Thinking that Hitsugaya was kinda cute like that?

Just then, Hitsugaya gave out a startled yell and yanked the iPod earphones out of his ears.

Even after they had been pulled out, Karin could hear the music bursting out from the little speakers. Hitsugaya looked furious, as well as stunned and unnerved.

Karin sighed and picked up the iPod. "Um, yeah, when you turn the wheel, the volume goes up or down depending on which direction you turn it."

He was obviously embarrassed now and didn't answer, turning away from her, with an annoyed expression on his face and his hands stuffed into his pockets.

Despite herself, as she put the iPod away into her pocket, she couldn't help smiling secretly to herself over the seemingly know-it-all captain's foolishness.

Karin picked up a bundle of papers and shoved it into her backpack before swinging it over her shoulder. Hitsugaya, stood up from his seat on her bed and noticing a stapled booklet of paper left over on her desk, picked it up.

"Oh," Karin said, as she prepared to go to school. "That's the exam I got back from my teacher yesterday."

Hitsugaya's eyes flickered down to the red marks on it. A high score was scribbled down there, a circle drawn around the B+ written there.

"Hey," he said casually, "You're doing a lot better in school nowadays too."

"Mmhmm…" Karin agreed dismissively.

"And you're getting along with your brother again, and you're spending time with your friends again." Hitsugaya said.

"Uhuh…" she suddenly grew frightened, and she didn't even know why. She snuck a look at him.

_I'm glad you're so much happier now. _Hitsugaya carefully put the test back on her desk. "It's good," he said simply. _I'm glad you're smiling again. _

She turned away from him, standing at her bedroom door. _I've wanted to know… why you cared so much for me since you came. But… _

She felt the weight of the iPod in her pocket, remembering the days she kept her ears blocked from everyone outside. _…you mentioned that things are getting better for me, and it's true. It's good that Ichi-nii is back and being a better big brother. But I'm also happy 'cause _you_ are here too, Toushirou… I don't know, I… I'm happy that you're here too._

She shuffled her weight uncomfortably from one foot to the other. "Toushirou?" she said his name tentatively with her back turned to him.

"Yeah?"

Karin frowned, one hand on the doorknob, her face lowered towards the floor. "Um… I…"

_Toushirou, I… _

She had raised her head a little bit, opened her mouth to say something, but then lowered her head again, dropped her shoulders and let out an inaudible sigh.

"…I'll see you later." She said quickly, and left, heading down the stairs to put on her shoes and go to school.

_I've been there before and I just can't let go.  
The__ memories and pain of the hurt I know._

_Now deep in the night, and th__ere's passion inside....  
Dare I follow my heart?_

Hitsugaya sat on the roof of the building where he could overlook the park where Karin often played soccer with his friends. She was not down there this afternoon though. The sunlight was bright and the sky was stretched out above him in its vibrant oranges and yellows. It was surprisingly quiet around him, somewhere in the distance there was the sound of children playing.

Karakura looked small and quiet, stretched out for what seemed like ages around him. Hitsugaya glanced down at his Hollow-detecting phone, and then looked up again, tightening his fingers around it.

_Soon… _he thought to himself. _Just a little moment longer…_

What was he even waiting for? Now would be a perfect time. Go to Urahara's and open up a gate to Soul Society from there, be gone in an instant from Karakura. Karin wasn't even here, she was at school. He should leave now, before he had any more opportunity to falter and change his mind. He should go quickly now, so that he wouldn't imagine what her reaction might be when he wasn't there anymore.

_Humph. _He snorted in sarcasm at himself. _'Reaction'? What reaction? _What did he expect? She had got so depressed about her brother leaving for so long that she shut herself off from everyone, her friends, and her family. She was so hurt that she blocked them off with her earphones; she was so angry that she couldn't even immediately forgive Ichigo. She was sick and tired of taking all the responsibility herself, fighting all the Hollows, struggling through all the school work and expectations of others, trying to keep all the hurt bottled up inside and outwardly trying to maintain that cold hard shell she had built around her.

_How do I expect her to react after I leave? _Hitsugaya shook his head and smiled bitterly to himself. _She… doesn't even think that much of me. I'm just… her friend I guess. I'm just the soul reaper that came back when she was depressed; I just the one who cared for her while her brother was away. _

_Besides… _Hitsugaya turned the Hollow-radar phone over and over again in his hands. _She got happy again once her brother came back. She doesn't really need me anyway._

He gave a world-weary sigh and threw his head back, staring upwards. Yesterday… she'd smiled at him. And her smile was so endearing, so bright. He didn't want to imagine how angry she'd be after he left. But at the same time, inside, his chest hurt because he wasn't sure that his leaving would affect her at all.

---

She was walking home, and she was happy. Of course, after so long, why wouldn't she be happy? Ichi-nii was back, she was managing much better with school, she was hanging out with friends again, and… Hitsugaya was here…

Thinking about him, made her eyes widen and a weird feeling rise up inside her. _Toushirou… _She clenched her hands tightly and felt the weight of the wooden shinai he had given her shoved into her backpack. Damn, he… confused her.

If right now, she was happier than she'd ever been in such a long time… where did he fit in it all? She stopped there, and breathed out slowly, lifting her head up to search the sky. What did… Hitsugaya mean to her?

_Do I__ feel something special inside of you?  
Do I know what you really think of me?  
_

---

"Toushirou!!"

Crap. Bugger. Oh damn.

Hitsugaya didn't have to look down to know who it was. And inside his chest, something hurt so hard he was taken aback and almost gasped out loud.

"…Karin." He said.

She looked up at him, holding a hand over her head to shelter her eyes from the sun. And she grinned. "Hey!"

She stood there, looking so small from up here, with her short black hair and the backpack swung over one shoulder. He could see the handle of the wooden sword sticking out of the top of the bag.

He swore under his breath. Damn, he thought. _Damn it! _He knew he should've left! He knew he should've gone when he had the chance! But _nooo, _he just had to be an idiot and hang around for a bit longer!

"…How was your day?" He asked, keeping his face composed and calm as he leapt of the building to land beside her.

Karin shrugged and pulled a face. "Algebraic equations." She shuddered at the mere mention of it. Inside, she scolded herself for the strange way her heart was beating faster now that he was standing right beside her. _This is so stupid! _She thought, horrified. Suddenly, just having him here to talk to and ask her about her day seemed to make the day better.

He smiled a little, and Karin had to frown to stop herself from suddenly turning red. Because his smiles were so uncommon, but so special, they made her heart leap.

She wanted to say something. But she didn't know what. She wanted to tell him something. But she couldn't put it in words.

Hitsugaya stood there, beside her, watching her with his icy blue-green eyes.

And the atmosphere between them became awkward, almost hard to bear. There were… Hitsugaya pulled his gaze away. …too many unspoken things that they didn't know how to explain or bring up. Karin didn't know where all this sudden nervous energy was coming from.

They both looked up when they felt the spiritual pressure coming from above them. On the bridge, the road over the hill behind them, Ichigo and Rukia were walking past. They were in their school uniforms, heading home.

"Oi, Karin!! Toushirou!" Ichigo yelled out to them, waving an arm in the air.

"It's Captain Hitsugaya to you," Hitsugaya muttered.

Karin looked up and waved. "Hey Ichi-nii!"

Ichigo looked down at his kid sister, with a wide grin that stretched across his face. "Hey," he said, making sure he was loud enough to be heard. "There's an order that says quite a large batch of Hollows are gonna appear down south Karakura soon. Karin, you wanna come?"

Karin's face brightened up considerably. Hitsugaya noticed this immediately.

"Heck yeah!" she yelled back to her brother. She turned to look at Hitsugaya. "You wanna come, Toushirou?"

"Nah," He said casually. "You guys will have no problem taking care of them,"

Karin's spirit dropped a little bit. "Oh. Okay…" She seemed to shrug a little and then turned to leave. "See ya later," she said.

"Wait." He said quietly.

"Hm?" She turned again and looked at him. Her deep brown eyes searching his, standing there, watching him carefully.

_Goodbye, _he thought to himself. _Goodbye, Karin. _

Instead, he gave her a little smirk. "Beat them up real good, okay?"

She stared wide-eyed at him for a second, and then broke into a bright grin. "Yeah, I will!"

And she turned and ran to catch up to Ichigo and Rukia.

Hitsugaya stood there and watched her, now so full of spirit. _Goodbye, Karin, _he thought quietly to himself, before also turning away, in the opposite direction with only a tiny pang of regret.

---

_And the raindrops ke__ep falling into my heart,  
and I just can't deny what feels so right.  
Do I let myself go and feel the rain,  
or should I play with caution and refrain?  
Whatever I do, when it comes to you,  
I know sometimes love plays the part of a fool.  
_

---

"Hey, Toushirou!!" Karin was shouting out, excited, running down to the park, as fast as she could go, bursting with news. He wasn't on the bridge or the rail on the hill, so he must've gone down to the building near the park or nearby.

Before, Hitsugaya had sat there on the swing for a minute or so, pushing himself slowly back and forth.

Karin ran even faster, her short black hair flying past her face. She really wanted to see him, to see Hitsugaya. She still carried the wooden sword in one hand. She grew closer to the playground equipment, bursting with exciting news, and things to tell Hitsugaya all about.

Before, Hitsugaya had stood in front of the door to Soul Society, not understanding why he couldn't just step in there and get it over with already.

Before, the snowy-haired shinigami captain had considered and thought back to all the things that had happened here in Karakura, he'd thought of how Karin had found her step again, how she'd spent all that time going through tough times alone, and growing up.

He hadn't wanted to tell her that he was leaving. Even before, when she ran off to join Ichigo, he couldn't bring himself to tell her goodbye. He didn't want to make her sad again. Maybe… he decided it was better to go while she was away. To leave quickly while she was in safe hands with her older brother, to leave while she was enjoying herself fighting Hollows with someone else.

"Toushirou, there was this huge hollow there, right, and I-" Karin stopped, her breath falling heavily, from her huge run here. There was nobody here.

He had thought that she was better now, she was so much happier now, with her beautiful bright smile again. And he'd already… spent far too much time here. Even now, there was so much he didn't understand.

Karin breathed heavily, and leaned over, resting her hands on her knees, trying to catch her breath back. _Where… where did you go? _

He wondered why he had put so much effort into looking after her, why had he tried so hard to bring that smile back? Wondered why… he was so concerned about how she might react. Wondered why… all of a sudden, just thinking about her, and standing here in front of this gate, his chest ached and hurt so much.

Karin straightened up and noticed that the swing was still moving, still swinging gently back and forth, as though someone had been there just before.

"Toushirou?" She asked out again, but she no longer expected an answer. She was flushed and exhausted. _Toushirou… he… _She reached out a hand to stop the swing completely.

The happiness and brightness in her eyes before faded, and the smile vanished from her face.

Hitsugaya was gone.

A very strong stab of pain hurtled through her insides, and it hurt so much she tensed and clutched her stomach. _How hard… did I run? _She asked herself. She felt this sudden wave of loss, sadness and anger sweep over her.

_He left, didn't he? I guess… _Her eyes darkened and Karin pulled a sarcastically bitter smile across her face. _I guess… in the end, everyone always ends up abandoning me. _

_Just like Mum and Ichigo did… _

The bitter smile faded and Karin gritted her teeth, dropping the wooden sword Hitsugaya had given her to the ground.

_Fine. _Karin bit her lip, and suddenly she felt angry and defiant. _Fine then. Just leave… Just as suddenly as you came back, just leave then, Toushirou! Without even telling me goodbye. It's not like I care!  
_

_I don't care… _The wooden sword lay abandoned at her feet and Karin felt her shoulders trembling slightly. And suddenly, her eyes got watery, and inside her chest, her heart hurt so much she couldn't bear it. _Why? _She wondered desperately.

_I don't get it. I don't understand. _Hitsugaya thought. He was in the Soul Society, standing outside the Seireitei, with its vast white buildings stretched out for ever in front of him.

Hitsugaya felt stunned by the whiteness of the buildings and inside, the turmoil and the weird throbbing didn't go away. And he thought of Karin, and even as he walked inside, his Captain's haori billowing a bit behind him, the responsibility of his company- the character TEN written on his back, all his thoughts were of her. _I wonder… if she's found out yet. I wonder… if she's angry or sad. I wonder… if she even cares. _

Karin looked up at the sky, her smile long gone, now with just her frown on her face again. _Ouch. _She took in a sharp breath. She looked down at the sword from Hitsugaya lying at her feet. _I wonder… why it hurts so much. _She bit her lip and stopped the tears from her watery eyes from falling. _…Stupid Toushirou._

---

_And I can't say I love you, and I can't say I don't,  
but I do wish I knew._

**A surprisingly long chapter. It was actually kinda tricky to write. I'm not so sure about the last section. Anyway, I hope you liked it. We're very close to the end now, we're almost there! Whoa! The song used here was ****Part of a Fool****, which is by ****Juwita Suwito,**** a singer who I've met once. She has the most amazing voice and incredible vocal range. Please read and review! ^_^ **


	11. Mou Kimi ga Inai

**Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach!**

**Thankyou so much for all the reviews, everyone! Yeah, I know it was a pretty cruel thing to do! But I hope you enjoy this next chapter! ****Mou Kimi ga Inai ****is an absolutely beautiful song by ****FUNKY MONKEY BABYS****. This chapter will be fully Karin-focused, so it is a pretty vital point in the story. Please read and review!! **

The sunlight was streaming in through Karin's window, brighter than anything. She groaned as she rolled away from the sunlight on her face and then groggily sat up. For a moment, everything was fine, and she was okay. And then she remembered.

**Chapter 11- Mou Kimi ga Inai (You Are No Longer Here) **

On the one day that she would've preferred to be at school, it happened to be the weekend. Vaguely, she wondered what she was going to do all day. Damn, she didn't want to have all this time in her hands. This was why she wanted to be elsewhere. She'd rather be at school, around other people, given mundane tasks to complete and distract herself.

She got dressed, and still, looking at her clock, she had so much time to kill. Sighing silently to herself, she reached out and grabbed her iPod off her desk, pausing for a moment at her bedroom door. Turning around, she glimpsed the wooden sword lying on the corner.

She needed to get out of here. Go somewhere else. She looked at the shinai again. Should she bring it? Maybe she'd need to use it?

Karin's eyes narrowed. She left, closing her bedroom door and the wooden sword behind her.

Yuzu was up early, as usual, in the kitchen. Karin's twin sister was cheery as usual, and greeted her. "Ah! Good morning, Karin!"

Karin paused for what seemed like a split second. Somewhere in her head, she considered answering back. After all, that's what Yuzu expected of her now; she was back to her old self now, right?

Karin pulled out her iPod, put her earphones into her ears and turned the volume up.

---

_Why not just forget about it, if it hurts so much  
When closing my eyes, tears coming out  
Until today, your smile and your fragrance  
I still loved it so much._

Karin wandered down the empty streets of Karakura. Somewhere up ahead, she could see the road on the hill, with the rail that Hitsugaya always liked to sit. Karin grit her teeth and kept walking ahead, ignoring Hitsugaya's favourite spot.

_That bastard. _She thought to herself, unaware that her fists were becoming clenched and that she was now frowning. She was pissed off! Hitsugaya… that stupid shinigami, how dare he… how dare he just up and leave like that?

But when she opened her eyes, when she looked around her, she noticed so many places that Hitsugaya enjoyed being. Like the roof of that building that overlooked the park…

_This is pathetic. _She thought, turning up the volume of her iPod again. _Stupid Toushirou! _All she could even think of to do was to uselessly swear under her breath at him, hate him for ditching her, feel angry at him, and blame him for everything.

_But this is so stupid!. _Karin sat down, dazedly on the swing at the playground. _It's not like I have as much of a reason to be angry at him… Toushirou was always like that. He always came and went as he pleased. He's not someone who gets tied down, he's a soul reaper captain, he makes his own decisions. And he decided to leave._

She thought of his always calm, cool gaze. Of his icy blue-green eyes, and the bemused expression he often wore on his face around her. It ticked her off. It always looked like he was teasing her or mocking her. His voice was often so measured and expressionless, but when he smiled, which was rare, it always made her stare at him in wonder.

Sometimes, being with him made her pulse speed up. She didn't understand it, but her heart beat so fast around him, sometimes her chest hurt when she thought of him. Sometimes, her face would start to burn, whenever he made one of his nonchalant comments; he was always so calm, so casual and there she was, not knowing why, but feeling confused and embarrassed, turning bright red.

Hitsugaya didn't share much about himself. When she asked him, he shrugged it off. But he still seemed to care about her, asking him about her day in that simple way of his. Sometimes, his short temper would come out, and he'd snap at her, at which she would back off immediately. He was always at once apologetic, awkward, but sorry.

He'd seen her cry. Karin felt herself flush bright red with shame. Karin was not someone who let herself cry. But he kept his blank expression on his face, and he didn't seem to be judging her while she spilled out all her burdens of the past year, and he listened. He… was not the best at giving advice, and did not really know what to say. But he listened. And for Karin, that was enough.

She raised her head a little. Looked around, eyes widened, suddenly alert. She felt spiritual pressure.

Somewhere nearby, she had a long screeching howl. She was the only one who could hear it, she knew, even though there were plenty of houses and markets and shops stretched out around her.

"Crap," she muttered, as she jumped to her feet and turned around just in time to see the Hollow crashing out onto the field behind the park. The Hollow threw back its head and howled again, a long bitter cry.

Funny though, that long bitter cry echoed the empty feeling she had inside. It ached. And Karin thought of her empty stomach, she had not eaten this morning. Looking up at the Hollow, she guessed that it must be feeling the same.

She ran from the swing set, jumped out of the way as the Hollow swung its arm down onto the grass, and looked around quickly to survey her situation and the area.

_I should've brought the shinai along. _She thought critically to herself. But thinking of the wooden sword Hitsugaya had left her, she felt bitter and her chest hurt again. Shaking her head to snap out of it, Karin raced across the oval, leading the Hollow away from the stretch of houses and the playground. It grew more enraged as Karin avoided its attacks, Karin breathed heavily as she narrowly avoided its step again.

The Hollow threw all its energy and weight into another attack. It lunged forward, Karin jumped at the last second, the Hollow crashed forward into the ground, and Karin sent a huge kick at the back of its head. Its face was buried into the ground and it struggled to get up, Karin gritted her teeth as the Hollow thrashed and kept holding it down into the ground by battering it with immense angry kicks, continually pushing it back into the ground.

She felt the pain and the anger erupt, as she strangely felt the presence of hot tears in her eyes. The earphones fell out of her ears, they knocked against her knees constantly as she kept kicking and hitting the Hollow with all that she had, doing everything she could just to hold it down.

_When our hearts start losing each other, the happy moments we had in the past seem fake  
Every day I spent is like a dream, and the timing that slipped in between  
Can't go back to that moment anymore, even to the scenery that we met often  
Things became a little different, you are always in my thoughts, my tears are going to come out._

She pretended it was Hitsugaya she was kicking into the ground, to prevent him from getting up again and going anywhere, from leaving anymore. She was angry, she was hurt. She remembered the shock from seeing the empty swing where he must've been. She remembered the horrible empty feeling searing across her as she stood there, the smile had still been on her face, she had been so excited to talk to him, to tell him how the Hollow-hunting with Ichigo had been, she had wanted to see him so much, but he… he wasn't there anymore.

The Hollow gave an angry heave, and finally threw Karin off its back. Karin sniffed stubbornly, noticing her vision was blurry, feeling the pain inside from being abandoned again. She tumbled off the Hollow's back, hitting the ground heavily on her side, but even then, it did not hurt as much as her heart did.

_No matter in the car or on the street, or the house that we lived together  
and the seasons that we spent together, leaving me alone from now on  
That precious feeling and memory, keeps on stirring in my head  
You are always by my side, but you are not there anymore_

She clenched her hands into fists angrily. She got onto her knees, turned to glare ferociously at that frigging Hollow. She rubbed her cheek, her face was sweaty and dirty, scratched.

_Of course… _she thought tiredly to herself. _Nobody stays. They all leave eventually. People change directions, people get turned by the waves of time, people's opinions and decisions change. Nobody… ever stays still. No-one can ever stay here… in one spot, stay… with me forever. They'll all abandon me eventually._

She wondered about Yuzu. She always seemed to be there, but Karin couldn't help feeling like Jinta was going to take her away someday. She still missed her mother. Even though people might tell her, might think that she had been so young, there's no way she could even remember Masaki Kurosaki, but she did. She had been so little then, but maybe it was all the way back then, when she realized that nobody could stay forever.

_Although you are not there anymore, I'm still can't forget  
When closing my eyes, tears coming out  
Until now, everything about you, I still can feel it in my body  
There is no one who loves me more than you._

Karin struggled to her feet. The Hollow advanced. She looked up tiredly at the attacking Hollow. She thought, _Who… did this use to be? When it used to be a human, how many people had come and left them? When they died, who did they leave behind? How many people do we pass by in our lives and how many will we see again? _

She blinked hard, fighting back the tears in her eyes. She wiped sweat away from her face, but her palms were clammy and warm.

_Actually… _she bit her lip. _Even though… maybe all along I knew Toushirou was going to leave eventually, but… _

She was tired, and her shoulders still shivered as she stood there, in the advancing Hollow's path.

…_I had wanted him to stay._

She felt the spirit ribbons waver and ripple around in front of her. She couldn't help the faint trace of a bitter smile that appeared on her lips as she felt the familiar spiritual pressure appear.

"Oi, Karin!!" the familiar voice was rash and loud, streaking over the oval as the soul reaper came towards her. "Need a hand?"

She turned and gave him a forced grin. "It's about time you got here!!"

Ichigo only smiled in reply. The orange-haired substitute shinigami pulled out his huge zanpakuto and flash-stepped towards the Hollow.

"This is a pretty high-level Hollow," said Rukia, who was pulling out her own zanpakuto from its sheath. "And you were not even armed. We'll take it from here, Karin."

Karin nodded. "Thanks, Rukia."

She backed away from the fight, watching as Ichigo and Rukia fought the giant Hollow, always so in synch as a perfect team, constantly watching each other's back.

She took small steps back, watching them fight, and then turned her back and ran.

---

_Hey, at this moment, which pieces of sky are you walking under?  
Meeting what kind of people, and living what kind of life?  
Actually, I have to wish you, wish you to live in happiness  
But please forgive me, I'm not strong enough to do that_

Karin walked alone through the park. Ichigo and Rukia's spiritual pressures were nearby and it comforted her. She was a little bit battered, and her body ached from the fight she had had before with the Hollow; but she was comfortably silent.

She lifted her head, looking upwards, searching the sky, just like Hitsugaya had always loved to do. Wondering where he might be right now, what was the sky in Soul Society like, was it beautiful and clear and blue like this? What might he be doing right now, what kind of expression might he be pulling on his face? Was he feeling happy right now?

"Karin?"

She turned her head and looked downwards, to see a small girl beside her, tugging at her shirt. She was a spirit, a ghost. Karin had seen her before.

Her brown eyes widened. The girl's chain was almost gone, there was barely half a link left on her chest. And even now, Karin could see the end of it fading, being gnawed away by something unseen.

"Karin!" the ghost said again.

"…hey," Karin couldn't find it in herself to push her away today.

The little girl reached up and pulled Karin's hand away from her pocket, put her own hand in Karin's and wrapped Karin's fingers around her own.

Karin didn't look at the little girl. "…where's your mum?"

The girl didn't flinch, but her voice was sad. "She's gone."

Karin could feel the girl's hand tremble in her own. "Where did she go?"

"I don't know," the girl replied. "She just disappeared, about a week ago."

Karin glanced down at the little girl's quickly diminishing chain of fate. It wouldn't be long now, the girl would turn into a Hollow very soon. She should find Rukia and Ichigo to quickly perform konso.

But the ghost had other ideas. She pulled Karin over to the swing set and sat herself down on a swing, wanting Karin to push her.

"I miss my mummy," the girl said, as she swung.

_So do I, _thought Karin, _I miss my mum too. _"Yeah," was all she said.

"Do you miss anyone?" the ghost asked.

Karin felt her eyes narrow and her chest tighten as she gave the girl another push on the swing. The girl had mentioned her mum, but Karin's thoughts were wandering from that. Before, she'd been wondering, been thinking about where Hitsugaya might be, and what he might be doing right now. Karin was angry at him, really angry at him for leaving. Did that… classify as 'missing' him?

"…there's someone who left yesterday," she said slowly, "but I'm angry at him because he went away. He… gets on my nerves."

The little girl was silent for a moment, riding on the wave of air, swinging back and forth.

"I guess…" she said quietly, "I didn't want him to go."

"You're silly." The girl said suddenly, slowing to a stop by stretching her legs out to grip onto the ground. The ghost turned around and stared at Karin. "You should've told him not to go. You should've told him to stay."

_Why not just forget about it, if it hurts so much  
When closing my eyes, tears coming out  
Until today, your smile and your fragrance  
I still loved it so much._

Karin stared back at the girl. Her chain of fate was practically gone.

They were silent for a moment. And then the girl clutched her stomach. "I'm really hungry." she said, a note of panic in her voice. "I haven't felt hungry in ages, until just recently."

Karin held out a hand to the girl. "C'mon. Let's go."

"Where are we going?"

Karin didn't know how to explain.

---

"_You'll see your mum again, I promise," Rukia said. _

_Ichigo bowed his head, clutching his sword tight, thinking about the Hollow they had just killed. _

_The girl clung to Karin. "Will I see you again, Karin?" she asked._

---

Ichigo and Rukia had headed home. Karin stood by herself in the park, it was so quiet and empty. She lifted her head to stare up at the sky which stretched out so unendingly before her.

Somewhere in the distance, she could see a butterfly fluttering away into the clouds.

People often crossed paths with others. Sometimes, people even walked in the same direction, on the same path together for a small moment.

The sky was its perfect clear blue, the sunlight generous over Karakura. Karin looked up for a long time, all the time seeming to be searching for something.

"_You should've told him not to go. You should've told him to stay." _

She had wondered where he might be. She had wondered whether he was happy, what he was feeling right now. Her own fingers trembled and she pulled her gaze downwards.

She was angry at him, she felt betrayed. But… all along, she should've known that he wouldn't have stayed forever.

Funny how in such a short period of time together, she had actually grown attached to him. She liked the way he pulled his bemused expression, she liked the way he always had such a calm, practically bored expression on his face. She was grateful that he had spent time here with her, walked that short length of the same path together. He had listened to her, he had helped her out, he had always been there… during that tough time when she was struggling through everything. When Ichigo came back, and everything she had done to cover up her inner pain went haywire, he listened. He didn't even judge her for the pathetic way that she had cried and run off.

Because growing up was just so hard. But saying goodbye was even harder.

Off in the distance, the butterfly had already vanished, gone far away.

_Karin… be honest for just a moment. _

She looked up at the sky once more, unaware that perhaps, far away in Soul Society where he was, he was doing the same.

Her heart thudded against her chest, as though it was angry. It seemed to be in pain, constantly throbbing. She grit her teeth to hold it in, she clenched her fists tightly.

… _I miss him. _Karin couldn't help the sadness overwhelm her. It really hurt and she felt the painful tears flood her eyes, although she absolutely refused to let them fall. Even now, her body was battered, she was tired, she was bruised and scratched all over, but what hurt the most was inside.

_Although you are not there anymore, I'm still can't forget  
When closing my eyes, tears coming out  
Until now, everything about you, I still can feel it in my body  
There is no one who loves me more than you._

Karin shivered, even though it was warm outside. She couldn't see, because her vision was too blurred by those stupid tears. She was sick of pretending she didn't care, sick of feeling angry at him.

And she stood there, alone in the park. And Karin stubbornly wiped her eyes and gritted her teeth, as the tears finally spilled.

…_I miss you, Toushirou. _

**Long chapter, eh? Well, I hope you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading! I'm actually very proud of this chapter! It turned out very well, and it was important that we got Karin's feelings out in the open. We've practically come full circle! The little girl ghost in this chapter was the same ghost that was in the very first chapter. I don't know if the Hollow was what her mum manifested into, but it's up to your opinion. **

**Next chapter will be set in Soul Society! Please review and tell me what you think! **


	12. Koishikute

**Hellooo!! HAPPY NEW YEAR!! Welcome to 2010, everyone! Hoping you all had a great and merry Christmas!! ^_^ We're up to chapter 12 now! And I wanna thank you all for the reviews, faves and alerts! However, the best thing you could give is a review! ^_^ If you have the time to read and fave and alert this story, please write me a review too! It's good to know what people think about it, and what people like in the story, or what could be improved! So… Here's chapter 12! Please read and review! **

**Chapter 12- Koishikute (I Need You)**

Tenth Company was exactly the same as he'd left it. The only difference was the extra height in the stack of paperwork piled on his desk.

He grumbled as he sat there, obediently going through the mundane task, like he'd always done. Obviously, leaving any work to Matsumoto was completely pointless.

And now, when he sat there, at his desk; it was almost as though nothing had ever changed. He'd never left. Soul Society was always exactly the same. Soul Society was still the same old, boring, mundane tasks as usual. Hitsugaya stared down at the words on the paper in front of him, but everything seemed pointless.

But nothing had even changed! It was all exactly the same! Before, he'd been so efficient and motivated, he'd just kept working! But he just couldn't work now for some reason. He picked up his pen but could not write a thing.

Exasperated, Hitsugaya leant back in his chair and let out a monster sigh. Tilting his head back, he inspected the ceiling with great interest before his gaze drifted off. He could hear the distant strains of Matsumoto's loud voice. She was outside in the Seireitei somewhere, having an energetic discussion with Tetsuzaemon Iba. He could feel the familiar presence of passing spiritual pressures, but the one he expected to sense was not there. Of course…

He'd left. He'd left Karakura. And it had already been a week. It was always strange in the Soul Society, time seemed to pass so much slowly, because days just blended into one, it was so hard to keep track of how long it had been.

Hitsugaya looked down at the blank paperwork in front of him. And he stood up from his desk, and slipped outside of his office, out of the Tenth Company building and into the whiteness of the Seireitei.

_The dream I revealed to you at the end is going good now  
The time I would've spent with you  
Is dedicated to work or wasted with my friends  
But why is it when I'm surrounded by many people  
I feel like I'm the only one in the world  
I end up searching for you_

---

"Ah! Captain Hitsugaya!"

Hitsugaya stopped and turned to face the thirteenth captain. "Captain Ukitake," he said.

Ukitake smiled. "I haven't seen you for a while! Not since you went down to the living world! Welcome back,"

"Oh. Thanks," he replied politely.

Ukitake being the doting guy he was, quickly persuaded and ushered the Tenth Company Captain into his building and set out steaming cups of tea, and plates of sweets that he never seemed to run out of.

"So, how was it? You were just down for a while once they discovered Karakura didn't have a soul reaper on duty."

Hitsugaya was silent for a moment. "It was… good. The only reason it took us so long to find out there was no stationed shinigami there was because there were people down there trying to control the Hollows themselves."

_And one of those people was Karin. _He couldn't help feeling a stab of guilt for the abrupt way in which he'd left her. _But, remember, _he told himself, _she doesn't need you anymore. She has her brother back, and she's having so much fun hunting Hollows with him. She… _Hitsugaya smiled a tiny, almost invisible smile to himself. _She never needed me._

Ukitake was watching the younger captain carefully. He smiled a little and raising an eyebrow, asked, "Meet anyone special?"

"Huhh?" Hitsugaya almost choked on his tea. He coughed and sputtered out, "What?"

"Oh, you know," Ukitake went on, airily and nonchalantly, "did you meet anyone while you were down there?

Hitsugaya regained his composure, and although the tips of his ears were heating up, kept his face straight and calm. He looked disapprovingly at Ukitake. "You've been spending too much time with Matsumoto again."

"Haha, maybe." Ukitake chuckled. "Maybe all we really want is a scandal. I know that's what Rangiku certainly wants. The perfectly composed shinigami prodigy having a secret romance in the Living World with a human, or maybe even a ghost!"

"Huh. You're ridiculous," Hitsugaya said without flinching.

"Well?" Ukitake looked eagerly at Hitsugaya, obviously fueled by whatever ridiculous stories Matsumoto had been telling him.

There was silence for a moment. Ukitake was waiting for Hitsugaya to get angry, snap at him to shut up and tell him that there was nothing whatsoever. He was surprised though, when instead, the cold Tenth Captain let out a tiny smile.

"Me? A secret romance?" He chuckled softly, cynical. "I wish."

---

_The rain never says when it will end and just keeps on pouring  
As always, like clockwork, the last train of the night  
Is full of lovers cuddling close  
Suddenly my emotions return to that day, my thoughts haven't faded  
Even as time goes by, the cloudy sky does not clear  
And its tears won't stop_

---

"CAPTAIN!" Her voice preceded her by what seemed to be miles.

Hitsugaya gritted his teeth and scowled as Matsumoto came racing towards him and pounced on the poor boy, wrapping her arms around his shoulders from behind and choking him with her generous bosom.

"Did you have a nice chat with Ukitake?" She asked cheerfully, ruffling the captain's white hair.

"Argh! Let go of me, Matsumoto!" Hitsugaya snapped. The white-haired captain quickly slipped out of her grip and glared at the pouting lieutenant.

"Hmph, you're always such a grouch!" Matsumoto rolled her eyes. Then almost immediately, her smile was back on her face. "Oh yeah, that's right! Momo dropped by to talk to you!

Have you seen her since you got back?"

"No…" Hitsugaya frowned.

"Then, hurry up! She should still be waiting at your office! You've got a lot to catch up on!"

…_what is there to 'catch up' on? _He thought to himself. _It's not like there's anything to say. _He didn't really want to see Hinamori. Not really.

Hinamori was his childhood friend, someone he'd grown up with in Rukongai. And before, he'd… Hitsugaya bit his lip. He'd once had a crush on her. Not that he would ever let anyone know that. After all, it was all so stupid. She never even looked at him. She didn't see him at all, couldn't think of him as anything more than as a brother- as little 'Shiro'.

But for some reason… Hitsugaya felt unnaturally calm as he walked over to meet her. His chest didn't ache anymore, and he didn't feel angry about Hinamori's love for that bastard Aizen. Heck, he wasn't even nervous to see her anymore!

He was confused as he looked upwards at the sky, hoping for some kind of answer. And then he realized. He just… He just didn't care anymore.

---

The sky in Soul Society, in the Seireitei was so blank, so bland. The sun never seemed to shine its orange glow here. That's why he'd loved the sky in Karakura. It was his favourite place, to just sit there on the rail beside the road and stare out at the never-ending sky that stretched out in front of him.

Walking around, wasting his time, doing absolutely nothing… Hitsugaya wandered around alone between the white buildings. For some reason, he felt… really empty. For some reason, something seemed to be missing.

And even though all around him, he felt the constant rush of spiritual pressure, of the reiatsu passing by him, even though he could hear Yachiru Kusajishi rushing past, shouting out something about "Bya-kun's candy"; even though he could sense Renji and Ikkaku battling somewhere near Sixth Company; even though just then he had been talking to Hinamori, and even though he'd been in the company of Ukitake and Matsumoto; even though he had everyone- the whole of the Seireitei to talk to, to be with, even so…

There was only one person he could think of.

Hitsugaya sighed heavily and stared upwards at the sky. Somewhere in his mind, he found himself wondering what _she _might be doing right now. And ironically, he smirked to himself, as he wondered if she was still angry at him. Knowing her, she probably would've gotten angry that he'd left without saying anything rather than being hurt or disappointed.

_Well… she didn't need me anymore, _he told himself. _She never needed me. I just… I just happened to be there. _

And then the memories came flooding in. He recalled how she seemed to have changed from what he'd remembered when he came back to Karakura. She'd been affected by her brother's absence, and in order to appear tough, stopped smiling and pushed others away, blocked everything out, wouldn't listen anymore. But really… she was still… Karin.

And he'd stared at her, when she scowled furiously at him, angrily seeming to brush away tears as she burst out at him:

"…_Stupid! Why'd you take so long to come back, Toushirou??" _

Hitsugaya looked around him quickly, and seeing the area completely empty and not feeling any reiatsu too close by, let himself sink down to the floor. And he sat there, quiet, just sitting, thinking.

He could still remember her so clearly, but suddenly, there was this fear that rose up in him, in the pit of his stomach. He became scared that she was going to vanish. Because even though he'd only spent that small amount of time with her, she'd made such an impression on him, and he… he didn't want to forget.

Because when she started to smile again, he'd stared at her, completely wide-eyed. Because that was just the way she was, how her eyes brightened, how she grinned, and the cute way in which she scowled when she was embarrassed or annoyed.

"_It's not as fun with just one person!!" _she shouted out to him, kicking the soccer ball straight at his head.

He could still remember it clearly, the expression on her face, and then the genuine smile that stretched across her face when he grudgingly agreed to play with her. But… suddenly, he felt the surge of pain again in his chest and he was shocked.

_She's not here, remember? You're the one that left. _Hitsugaya bit his lip. And he still didn't understand, there was so much he just didn't get, and he bowed his head and glared downwards at the ground below him.

He didn't know why. Suddenly, he said her name. Just whispered, perhaps needing to call her name out, just to remind himself that she existed, that she was still out there somewhere, but not with him.

"…Karin."

_I need you, I called out your name, I called it out  
I should have loved you with all my heart  
I think about why I said "goodbye"  
Even though I said it was over, I can't erase you from my memory_

---

He wondered why he'd even cared about her in the first place. She was just the little sister of the substitute soul reaper. That's all she was, really. A human girl. Ichigo Kurosaki's kid sister. But what was it exactly that made him want to stay a little longer every time? What was it that made him want to help her, to listen to her, that made him worry over her, that made him show her the stars in the night, that made him want, so much, to _protect_ her?

Like how her shoulders shook when she clenched her fists and gritted her teeth to stop her tears from coming out, the way the pain was so evident in her eyes and her voice when she shouted out at Ichigo, and how, suddenly, everything came pouring out, her words all a mess, her voice hard to decipher as all her hurt and burdens of the past year came flooding out, and how he just sat there. Just sat there, and listened.

And her tear-stained face, and how all this time, she'd been lonely, all by herself.

And Hitsugaya's chest thumped again and this horrible, empty, twisting pain arose. Because… because actually… he missed her. He wanted to protect her so much, it hadn't been obvious before, he never seemed to say that much around her, but every single time, all he'd ever wanted to do was protect her, to look after her, to make it so that she'd never cry like that again.

_I need you, I called out your name, I called it out  
I should have loved you with all my heart, I've become sick  
Let's say you were that flower blooming there_

_If I poured too much water you would wither away  
If I tried to protect you too much I would block the sunlight  
Without you I don't know what to do  
I miss you_

And it was an accident, he'd never meant for it to happen! He didn't mean to visit the Living World and become… _attached _to someone. It had only been for a short while! But even now, his heart was hurting, his thoughts were confused, he was scared- he didn't want to forget- he wanted to keep all those moments with her in his memories. Even though… it had only been a short time, he hadn't _wanted _to say goodbye!

It wasn't meant to happen, he never meant to reach out and hug her! He didn't mean to pull her close and hold her while she was crying! It wasn't supposed to happen, he wasn't meant to care this much about her!

_Meetings eventually turn into goodbyes  
Tell me that now  
But today I'm still walking forward_

The only reason he never said goodbye to her directly, the only reason he left without telling her, was because he didn't want to take her smile away ever again.

Maybe… yeah, Hitsugaya smiled bitterly to himself, he was being selfish then.

And Hitsugaya felt his eyes narrow and darken, and his chest tightened and he took in a deep breath, tried to pull himself together.

Damn. He was moron. She never needed him, did she? Because he couldn't replace Ichigo, because the cause of all her burdens was being abandoned by her brother, who she looked up to and depended on.

_No. She didn't need me. Not really. I might've been there, to listen and hear her out. To try to protect her! But, in the end… _

He was the one that needed her.

_I need you, I called out your name, I called it out  
My heart doesn't understand why  
I think about why I said "goodbye"  
Even though I said it was over_

_I know now that I'll never see you again  
But I'm still searching for the reason  
I think about why I said "goodbye"  
I can't lie…to my heart_

And Hitsugaya gritted his teeth and lowered his head, burying his face in his hands. But the icy Tenth Captain didn't cry. He didn't have to, because the pain in his heart was doing it for him.

**That was chapter 12! We're very close to the end now, guys! The beautiful song used in this chapter was ****Koishikute**** by ****UVERworld****! Hmm… looking at what I've written for Hitsu's point of view compared to Karin's last chapter, it looks like Hitsugaya's feelings are much stronger, don't you think? I don't think Karin has quite worked out how she feels yet. I'm not sure about how many more chapters there'll be. My guess is 2 or 3! Thanks for all the reading, everyone! Please review! (Yes, that lovely green button right there, click it, NOW!) emichii **


	13. Kokuhaku

**Hello! And thanks for all the reviews, faves and alerts! ^_^ I suppose this chapter was meant to come out last week, so sorry for the wait! This will be the SECOND-LAST chapter, okay? So thankyou again for all your support throughout this fic! Please read, enjoy and review!! emichii**

**Gah! The end is near!**

_There's something I wanna tell you  
I can't put the emotions  
That fill my heart into words  
But please hear what I have to say_

**Chapter 13- Kokuhaku (Love Confession)**

"I told you, Rukia; the ultra-super-special-edition giant Chappy plushie doesn't come out for another two weeks!" Ichigo grumbled between the crammed shelves of Urahara Shoten.

"Shut up," muttered Rukia, her face turning a shade of red as she crossed her arms and defiantly stomped on.

Ichigo sighed to himself and hid a smile as he followed the petite black-haired shinigami in front of him.

Outside the store there was the usual bickering and energetic chatter of Jinta and Karin, complete with occasional interrupting and attempts of peace-making from Ururu.

"That stupid Don Kanonji! I ran into him the other day at the supermarket and he asked me if he wanted my autograph! So I kicked him in the shin and told him that I was one of his Karakura Super Heroes. The nerve of that guy!" Karin raged.

Jinta scowled and waved his broom in an almost violent way. "You know, the other day he tried to take my super cool Hollow weapon- you know my giant bat? Well, he started telling me that only the gold Karakura Super Hero was worthy of using such an incredible weapon and that it was dangerous for a kid like me to-" Jinta paused and looking at Karin and Ururu, snapped: "Are you even listening to me??"

The two girls simply pointed up ahead at the path where Yuzu Kurosaki was standing, with her always pleasant smile on her face, waving at them.

Jinta's face froze and almost immediately his face blushed and his incessant frown vanished from his face faster than it had appeared. Dropping the broom with a clatter, the temperamental red-haired boy practically ran towards his adored girlfriend.

Karin's smirk deepened as she turned away from her happy sister and Jinta. Ururu politely kept from snickering as the two of them quietly slipped back into the shop.

"I'm sorry, Miss Kuchiki, but the ultra-super-special-edition giant Chappy plushie doesn't come out for another two weeks," the hat-wearing shop-keeper waved his fan apologetically. "However, if you would like, we could place an order down for you. That would save you and Mr Kurosaki the effort of coming down here every afternoon until it arrives."

"Exactly," Ichigo muttered. Rukia shot him a murderous glare.

"Oh!" Suddenly Rukia's Hollow detector sounded. "Hollows in east Karakura, about three of them, I think." Her blue eyes narrowed as she kept reading the order. "Chances are Hollows will also appear right here, outside Urahara Shoten, plus or minus ten minutes."

"We can take the Hollows in east now," Ichigo said, already slipping out into his shinigami form. "You coming, Karin?"

Before Karin could reply, Urahara interrupted, still waving his fan calmly. "Sorry to be a bother, Karin, but Yoruichi and I have to see to some repairs in the underground training space. Could you and Ururu guard the fort for the time being?"

"But there are Hollows due to appear here-" Ichigo started.

Karin rolled her eyes. "Me and Ururu will be fine! We've taken care of plenty of Hollows without any help from shinigami!"

Rukia had quietly taken her gikongan and was waiting impatiently for Ichigo. Ichigo's brown eyes lowered and for a moment, seemed regretful of what had happened in the past year.

Karin noticed her older brother's reluctance and had to burst out in a wide grin. "Seriously, Ichi-nii! We'll be fine!!"

Urahara had already disappeared. Ichigo felt Rukia tugging on the sleeve of his shihakusho. Ichigo swallowed and nodded dubiously. "Okay."

Karin smiled a small smile to herself, as Ichigo and Rukia left and Ururu began retrieving her giant charm-covered cannon.

_Before I knew it I couldn't sleep at night with thoughts of you in my head  
Even asleep my feelings grew so strong that I'd search for you in my dreams  
If I told you everything I felt like our relationship now would fall apart  
But I can't stand being just your friend so I want to tell you everything  
_

---

It had been a few days now since Hitsugaya had so abruptly abandoned her. Thinking to herself, Karin sniggered a little about him 'abandoning' her.

_Isn't 'abandoning'_ _a bit of a strong word to use anyway? _She thought. _It was just stupid of me to have ended up relying on him and depending on him that much. _

"_Do you miss anyone?" _the little girl ghost had asked.

_Yeah, _thought Karin, _yeah, I do. _

Sometimes, living life the way that it was now, it was hard to believe that anything had ever gone wrong, that once she had been so down and alone. Wasn't everything better now? Surely… just look at it! She was so much happier now! So… in the end, wasn't being able to spend even that short amount of time with Hitsugaya worth it after all?

School was the same humdrum waste of time as it had always been. She looked forward to spending every afternoon running around on the soccer field with her friends. She liked going Hollow-hunting with her older brother and making up excuses for each other when they came home late for dinner. It was fun hanging out at Urahara Shoten with Jinta and Ururu, and sometimes Yuzu, when she came to visit.

But…

Karin's face twisted in distaste as she lowered her head down onto the counter, burying it in her folded arms.

Even so… She wasn't as happy as she should be. Because something- no, _someone _was missing.

Thinking in silence, she frustratedly felt her face heat up and her heart rate pick up. It annoyed her, it bugged her to no end, that even though he was gone, even though he had been a real bastard and ditched her like that, even though he was a waste of her energy that every single time, her thoughts always returned to him!

She couldn't help it. She still thought of him all the time. Even though she went about her life happily and carefreely now, she'd catch herself wondering when she might see him again. And in thinking about Hitsugaya, she'd curse at herself for being such an idiot.

_When I stand in front of you my courage disappears and I lose all my nerve  
All those phrases I prepared for you spill out and are forgotten  
My heart is burning and beating so fast, this isn't like me at all  
I don't care how it looks, I just want you to hear what I have to say_

And she'd wonder what was it about Hitsugaya that made her act different, that completely challenged and stunned her, that made her breath stop in her throat. 'cause she really missed him. And she knew that.

Her heart always beat faster around him. Her face seemed to constantly heat up and turn red in his presence. Sometimes she stumbled over her words. Even when she had been angry at the whole world, when she was lonely and full of hatred, she accidentally smiled when he was around.

Damn, he made her act like an idiot. It wasn't like her at all to blush and feel defensive all the time. But… back then… when Hitsugaya had just reached out and pulled her towards him, wrapped her in his arms…

Karin felt her face turn so bright red that steam was literally rising from her face, and Ururu looked at her, shocked.

_Is it even possible? _Karin scowled to herself, struggling to pull herself together. _Toushirou… I…_

And her heart raced, in a strange, faster, unusual beat. And she remembered thinking how she hadn't wanted his embrace back then. Her face was still heated, and for some reason… inside her chest, her heart really, really, hurt.

Karin bit her lip, scowling, and hid her face behind her arms.

And she remembered thinking, embarrassingly, that being in his arms, had been so comfortingly warm.

---

_I love you, I really love you  
I wish I could tell you with more words than that  
But I can't do anything about it, when I put my pouring emotions  
Into words, yeah, they only come out as "I love you"_

_That's all I can say, but that's everything I wanna say_

---

"I told you, Captain Ukitake, I really can't carry anymore!" Hitsugaya said, his voice muffled by the pile of packaged candies and food that Ukitake had dumped into his arms.

"Nonsense!" Ukitake insisted, piling on more of the goodies into Hitsugaya's arms. "It's not like I can eat them all myself!"

"But don't Kiyone and Sentaro deliberately visit the Living World constantly just to bring you these snacks?" Hitsugaya asked, frowning as he juggled the food.

"Pfft," Ukitake shrugged and waved a hand dismissively. "It's all right! Take those back to Tenth Company and enjoy them with Rangiku!"

And the Thirteenth Company Captain tucked his hands into the sleeves of his shihakusho and watched the younger captain struggle across the Seireitei.

---

_The day we first met was so clear and it was hot all day long  
We met each other that day and suddenly love began  
Your face, your style were exactly my type hitting me like a fastball strike  
Your smile was free and that's why I couldn't get you out of my mind  
_

---

Hitsugaya barely looked at the paper in his hand and flicked it back onto his desk with a small sigh. For crying out loud, was everything in Soul Society always so humdrum and repetitive and boring? He couldn't concentrate on anything! He couldn't find any motivation within him to even pick up his pen and start writing!

_This must be how Matsumoto feels every day! _He thought to himself as he stood up from his chair.

The other day, he'd been shocked. Sitting outside alone in the Seireitei, a Soul Reaper Captain seated on the floor, with a stunned expression on his face. And he had just said her name. And even then, the pain from hearing her name from his own mouth was unbearable.

Damn. Hitsugaya gritted his teeth and clenched his hand into a fist, staring down at it with angry icy eyes. He missed her. Heck, he _needed _her.

But he knew nothing, this had never really happened to him before, what was he meant to do now? For all he knew, she must be absolutely pissed off at him! But… Hitsugaya felt his fingers tighten.

He wanted to see her.

He heard the footsteps coming up to the door and he couldn't help himself, his hope went up. But at the same time, he knew.

_Of course, you idiot! It's not Karin! Why would Karin come to Soul Society? _

But even so, he couldn't help himself; as soon as the door slid open, he turned to look. And his face fell.

"Captain? What is it?" Matsumoto frowned for just a moment before she bounced in, flopped onto the couch and picked out a packet of chips from the pile to eat.

He _knew _it wouldn't be her! He _knew _it! For goodness' sake, he could always recognize Matsumoto's spiritual pressure, and he could so easily feel Karin's reiatsu when it was her, but why…?

Matsumoto stopped munching for just a moment, her green eyes troubled. "Why do you look so down, Captain? Especially just when I came in?"

"Shut up, Matsumoto." he replied blandly. "It's none of your business."

She pulled a face. "Look, I know you're always frustrated at me, but you don't usually look so… crestfallen."

"…crestfallen?" Hitsugaya repeated, sounding disinterested.

The irrepressible lieutenant grinned. "You were expecting someone else. You _wanted _to see someone else."

He didn't reply.

Yeah, he knew it. He wanted to see her, sure. But she probably wouldn't want to see him. Besides, what was he supposed to say to her now? Everything was so confusing. He hadn't quite worked it all out, these feelings for her. All he knew was that he missed her. That he _needed_ her. And that his heart bloody hurt when he was around her. But it hurt even more when she wasn't with him.

"You know, Captain," Matsumoto said lazily, tossing the empty chip packet onto the floor, and reaching for a packet of sweets and trying to pull it open. The assistant captain lifted her head back and looked at Hitsugaya, "Whoever it is you want to see so badly; they probably want to see you just as much."

When Hitsugaya still didn't speak, she picked up the packet of lollies that she still couldn't open and threw it into his face.

The surprised captain stumbled back a couple of steps. "Hey!" Hitsugaya exploded. "What was that for? Matsumoto!!"

She didn't even turn to face him, rummaging through Ukitake's pile of candy and snacks. "Just don't keep her waiting any longer."

Hitsugaya stared at her, eyes wide. "How…?" he started.

Matsumoto faced him and cheekily tapped the side of her nose. "It's a scandal, remember?"

Hitsugaya was silent.  
Then he picked up the bag of lollies at his feet, ripped it open with his teeth and pegged it at Matsumoto's head as hard as he could, the lollies and sweets spilling out everywhere.

"Oww!! Oh, thanks, Captain!"

---

_So we started talking on the phone everyday, but I'd nervously talk in circles  
My love for you is bigger than anyone else's, have you realized it yet?  
I can't hold back these growing emotions, I've got to be brave, it's do or die  
I'll embrace these honest feelings and now there's something I wanna tell you_

Hitsugaya was bounding across the rooftops of the houses in Karakura. The scowl on his face was huge.

_This has got to be the stupidest thing I've ever done, _he told himself. Man, he hated it when Matsumoto was right.

He couldn't help it. He could sense her spiritual pressure so easily, even though he was still quite some distance away from her. But somehow… he felt a little bit relieved to at least know that she was there, to feel the familiar aura of her presence somewhere here.

Damn, he didn't know. He didn't know what to say to her. What to do. And even as he came closer and closer to where she was, he felt a funny feeling rise up in his stomach, a bit like a knot. Suddenly, he felt nervous, and his heart was beating out of control, his face heating up just by thinking about her, and he couldn't even _see _her yet!

His heart still hurt.

_Actually, I'm scared and nervous  
But I promise to be stronger  
So I can protect you and your dreams  
Now I'll go straight ahead to your city, straight to where you are_

Karin stood in the park, the sky stretching out so wide above her. She looked up, still amazed by just how far and how wide the sky kept going on and on.

Hah, Ururu and her sure had taken good care of that Hollow before! That Hollow didn't even know what had hit it! (A soccer ball and a blast from Ururu's cannon, it was.) And Karin yawned a little and stretched her arms up over her head.

And she stopped. And froze.

Like Ichigo, she wasn't that good at sensing spiritual pressure. But _his _reiatsu came over her like a flood and her breath got caught in her throat. Suddenly, her heart began gathering speed, and she felt very nervous.

_This is stupid! What the heck? _She bit her lip and looked around her, quickly, warily, as if to make sure nobody could see her. The only person that could prompt such a silly reaction from her, the only person with reiatsu like _this _was…

She looked upwards, a priceless expression on her face; embarrassed and scowling, but at the same time, naive and slightly hopeful. It was… a little like the way she looked when he'd seen her here just a little over a month ago.

Hitsugaya swallowed with difficulty, unable to stop a flash of emotion across his face as he looked down at her.

Heh. She had grown up over this last month or so. But at the same time, she was still the same Karin, with her innocent, childish tendencies and her sometimes aggressive behaviour.

He was up there, in a gigai, dressed casually; seemingly not caring whether people could see a normal-looking boy floating in the sky.

She caught his gaze. And for just a moment, she too seemed to have a flicker of pain cross her face before it returned to her defensive scowl, her brown eyes narrowed.

He opened his mouth to call out her name, as he descended towards her, onto the football field.

But she wouldn't even look at him, instead instantly turning and running away from him.

"Karin!!" He shouted, not understanding why she was running.

Hitsugaya was puzzled. He knew she would be pissed off, that she would be angry and hating him. He expected her to yell at him, maybe hit him a few times, shout at him like she did here a month ago.

"KARIN!!" He yelled, running after her across the field.

---

_I love you, I really love you  
I wish I could tell you with more words than that  
But I can't do anything about it, when I put my pouring emotions  
Into words, yeah, they only come out as "I love you"_

---

It was ridiculous. She didn't know why, but as soon as she saw him, as soon as their eyes met, she ran.

She had told herself; over and over again, that when Hitsugaya came back, _if _Hitsugaya came back, she would yell at him so hard, that she'd cuss and shout at him so much for abandoning her.

But… She didn't know why, Karin bit her lip and for some reason felt stupid, stubborn tears gather in her eyes. And she had _wanted _to see him, she had _missed _him. But it was weird, it wasn't like her at all, the way her heart raced and beat so fast as soon as she saw him, how for some reason, her chest hurt inside.

"KARIN!!" He yelled again, for some reason he sounded slightly desperate, but Karin shook her head, gritting her teeth. She must've imagined it. There was no way he would sound so frantic to catch her.

_What the hell, Karin? Why are you running away now? _Hitsugaya ran even faster, but Karin wasn't slowing down, even though it was obvious that she was exhausted. _At least hear me out, for crying out loud!! _

Maybe… all along the signs had been there but she'd been too ignorant to notice them or pay any attention to them. _Dammit! _She felt frustrated as her sight grew blurry, and she tried to keep those shameful tears from coming out.

_I don't even know anything about these feelings I have for you! I'm just pissed off that Matsumoto was right about all this!! _Hitsugaya's icy eyes narrowed and he pushed himself faster.

_Crap, this can't be happening!! _Karin felt the tears of remorse start slipping out of the corners of her eyes. _This wasn't meant to happen! _

"KARIN! For crying out loud, stop!!" _You know, the only reason I came back down here was to tell you!_

"…go away!" Karin finally found the courage to say something, and she tried to sound as fierce as possible, but to her horror her voice came out feeble and weak.

_Damn you, Toushirou! Why do you always have to make everything so complicated?!? _She fumed, her face burning up and the angry tears still in her eyes.

Hitsugaya was a little bit stunned from Karin's outburst, which wasn't really an outburst. Why did she sound so teary? His face flushed. No, don't be ridiculous, he told himself, it's not because she wanted you to stay.

"Leave me alone!" Karin spat out again. "That's what you did before, right? Why are you back now?? What…" She gritted her teeth and felt her heart ache again. "What do you _want, _Toushirou??"

"What do I _want?_ I just want you to stop and listen to me for a second!!"

"Why? What do you have to say to me that's so important??" Karin shouted back.

Hitsugaya fell back and Karin kept going for a few more steps before stopping because at last the tears spilled down her face, 'cause she already knew why her heart hurt so much.

And Hitsugaya bit his lip and clenched his fists, 'cause bloody hell, it was just so, so hard to say! And Karin was not used to this unusual feeling inside her, but maybe… it was just another part of growing up.

And both Hitsugaya and Karin felt the same aching pain inside their chests.

…_I love you. I… really love you. _

---

_That's all I can say, but that's everything I wanna say_

**That was the second-last chapter, my friends! The end of that was really, really hard to pull off and hard to choose the words and everything. ****Kokuhaku ****is an adorable song by ****FUNKY MONKEY BABYS.**** And yes, that is the correct spelling of their name. Anyway… thankyou for all the overwhelming support and reviews all this time, everybody! ^_^ ****Growing Up**** wouldn't have gotten this far without you! So… SEE YOU AT THE LAST CHAPTER!! Review please, and thankyou once again! **


	14. Anti Adieu

**Disclaimer: Bleach is not owned by me. **

**Growing Up by emichii**

**The Final Chapter. **

"I just want you to stop and listen to me for a second!!" Hitsugaya yelled.

"Why?" Karin shouted, but her voice trembled. Damn. She was meant to sound stronger, be in control, but her voice…

The tears began to run down her face.

"What do you have to say to me that's so important??"

**Chapter 14- Anti-Adieu**

She'd stopped, standing there, just a few steps ahead of him. She refused to turn around, to look at him. Karin bit her lip, still breathing hard from the run, her shoulders trembling.

_I don't even know how to tell you or what I'm supposed to say. _Hitsugaya stood there, staring at her back and all he could think about was how he hated having her back to him. He wanted to see her, to see her face, to see her _smile._

"I… I'm sorry," He said.

Karin took a deep breath and tried to pull herself together, tried to find her usual tough exterior. "…Why?"

And then she turned around to look at him, face him once and for all. And when she turned, her eyes were dark and angry. It reminded Hitsugaya of her when he'd met her again during Ichigo's absence.

Crap, the pain in her eyes hurt him just as much.

Hitsugaya didn't know what to say.

Karin stood there, now looking at him, her dark eyes focused only on him, the pain evident on her face.

"…why did you do it?" she asked.

"…what… do you mean?" he said slowly.

Karin tried to look at him, keep holding his gaze, but found it too hard and dropped her eyes to the ground.

"You didn't have to. You _never _had to!" Her voice rose uncertainly. Her hands, clenched in fists at her side quivered. "You never had to look after me!"

"What are you talking about?" Suddenly, his voice sounded angry, he didn't mean it to, but it did.

"You know!" Karin said angrily, "All that stuff you did for me these last few months! Like… like when you came back to Karakura, and Ichi-nii wasn't here- you never had to give a damn about me! You didn't have to care or look after me at all!! Why did you come here in the first place back then?"

His answer was blunt and emotionless, immediately. "Ichigo Kurosaki, the assigned soul reaper for the Karakura area was absent and there was no shinigami present to control the balance of souls."

She looked away. "That's what I expected,"

He stared at her for a moment, his icy teal eyes puzzled. "Karin-"

And she burst out: "Why did you do it then, Toushirou?? You didn't have to! I… I mean nothing to you and your soul reaper duties! You didn't have to take any responsibility for me at all! You didn't have to care about me; you didn't have to constantly be nearby, keeping an eye out for me, I…" And suddenly, her eyes were watery, the inevitable tears spilling out.

She breathed shallowly and went on, "…I'm just… Ichigo Kurosaki's kid sister. Toushirou, you're the Soul Society's Captain of Tenth Division. You never had to pay any attention to me… it shouldn't matter to you whether I'm happy or sad. It shouldn't matter to you whether I smile or cry. You didn't have to look out for me. You never had to! You never had to give me that wooden sword! You never had to show me the stars! You didn't have to listen to my mistakes and stuffed-up problems!! And…"

Her voice broke as her eyes went wide with frustration, "…You didn't have to… hold me when I cried…!!"

"So…" Karin looked at him painfully, "why did you do it, Toushirou??"

Hitsugaya stared at her. And then, flatly, he spoke: "I did it 'cause I wanted to."

She had not expected, not at all, not been prepared for such a straightforward answer. She hadn't expected Hitsugaya to look her straight in the eyes, so seriously and tell her that.

Hitsugaya paused for a moment, watching her, the strange ache in his chest insistent. His expressionless blue-green eyes dropped away from her face and his voice was quiet. He seemed to smile, a small painful smile. "Do you… know why I left, Karin? And why… I never even told you goodbye?"

"I was only here for a little while, only while Kurosaki was away, to keep Karakura in control. I wasn't meant to… stay as long as I did. When I saw you again, you were trying so hard to be tough, trying to keep yourself closed off and shut out from everyone else. You seemed so different… and I wondered what had happened. I just…" Hitsugaya's voice faded a bit uncertainly, his brow furrowed a little. And then, he closed his eyes briefly and said: "…I wanted to take care of you."

"I don't know why," Hitsugaya said with irritation. "I just… I ended up… caring more than I wanted. I wanted to see you smile again, like you always used to. It was okay… for a time, sometimes everything got confusing, but it was okay. You… seemed to be getting happier and I… I liked spending time with you. When Ichigo came back, and you ran away, I didn't even know what to say when I chased after you. I never know… what to say. Even now. I didn't know how to comfort you, and what to tell you. I just sat there… and watched you cry and pour out all that had been hurting you."

He thought of how he had reached out and pulled her towards him that day, to hug her, to show her in the only way he could, that he cared and that it was all right.

"But Ichigo's back now. And you finally forgave him. He's your older brother; you've always looked up to him. You're happy now that he's back…" Hitsugaya smiled bitterly. "You don't need me anymore. And I thought… maybe all along, you've never needed me. 'cause the only reason you'd been so upset was because you felt your brother abandoned you. …It was time for me to leave; there was nothing left for me to do here. I figured you wouldn't really care if I left, you wouldn't really mind. After all, your brother's back, and everything's gone back to the way it should be. That's all you ever wanted, right, Karin?"

She stared at him, but he didn't look at her, with his small ironic smile on his face. "I didn't want to interfere anymore, I didn't want to see you crying or being sad again, and I didn't believe it would hurt you or matter to you if I left quietly, without saying anything."

Hitsugaya raised his head and said calmly, "You wanted to know why I did all those things for you. You wanted to know why I left without saying goodbye. You wanted to know why I came back."

Karin was silent, teary-eyed and staring numbly at him.

"I told you it was because I wanted to. But actually, all that, everything I did, it was all…"

Hitsugaya paused. He felt the pulsing of his heart beating away insistently in his chest. He watched her, looked at her with his seemingly calm and expressionless icy cold eyes. And he felt his stomach ache, that nudging in his chest- the pain that was inevitable whenever he thought of her. He felt it coursing through him, he frowned, dammit, he felt so… felt so _strongly _about her.

Yet… when he looked at her, all those feelings for her, they couldn't be described- all the words he'd want to tell her, they vanished into the air.

The only words he could use, the only way he could tell her…

Hitsugaya took a deep breath and painfully looked her straight in the eyes.

"I did it because I love you."

He didn't know what he expected her reaction to be. But he was horrified when tears started streaming down Karin's cheeks, when she started crying. And then she was furious, her face flushed, shouting so frustratedly at him.

"You're so stupid, Toushirou! You jerk!!" She sobbed, desperately wiping at her eyes, her short black hair messy and falling over her face. "What were you thinking?? What do you mean I wouldn't have cared if you left? Why did you say I wouldn't have minded if you left quietly? Do you know how angry I was?? Do you know… just how much it hurt? Do you know that after you left, I wasn't happy at all??"

"You say that everything was okay once Ichi-nii was back, you said that I was happy again, and that I didn't need you anymore! I… I always needed you, Toushirou!!" She cried, "_You _were the one who made me smile again, stupid!"

And she stood there, and stopped wiping her eyes and crying just long enough to yell at him, angrily. "You don't know… You don't know at all!! When you left, it hurt so much! And you know what, Toushirou?? Even though you were only gone for a short time, and Ichi-nii left me for so long, it hurt the most when you were gone!! You're the one who made me smile again, but you're also the one who makes me cry the most!!"

Karin clenched her hands into fists and swiped furiously at her tears. Her angry voice faded away as it got muffled by her sobs and her tears, "It hurt… the most when you were gone, Toushirou… because… I…" her voice trembled as she confessed tearfully, "…I love you…!"

And Karin was standing there, wiping desperately at her tears, but crying nevertheless.

Hitsugaya stared wide-eyed at her, speechless.

She had gone through so much this last year, and she'd grown up, as hard as it had been. But here she was, crying and bawling like a baby.

"…do you… understand now, Toushirou?" she muttered, her face flushed.

_Som__etimes I don't know what to do_

'_cause I'm always thinking about you.  
All the times we had together  
I hope they last forever.  
_

Hitsugaya stared. And then he smiled. "Yeah,"

She looked up dubiously at him, the tears still visible in her eyes.

_And every single word you ever said _

_goes around and round inside my head.  
Just promise me that you'll be true,  
and I'll go crazy over you.  
_

He stared back at her, icy eyes serious. And then, once again, Hitsugaya pulled her towards him and held her while she cried.

_I'm so caught up in yesterday__  
I run out of things to say  
the only thing that I can see,  
is life without you here with me.  
_

"…this… is really embarrassing…" Karin mumbled, her face bright red.

Hitsugaya snickered lightly but didn't let go. And then, still holding onto her arms, he stepped back a bit and held her gaze.

She glared right back at him, frustrated, her face so hot it was practically steaming.

Hitsugaya's icy blue-green eyes were as serious as always, but for some reason, he looked a little apprehensive, his face a little pink.

And he was leaning closer, his lips just inches from hers.

Karin's eyes widened.

And then he ki-

"TOUSHIROUUU!!"

The two of them abruptly jerked apart, stunned and mortified. Karin turned to where the voice had come from, embarrassed and annoyed and knowing exactly who it was. Hitsugaya glowered in the direction of the voice, pissed off that he'd been completely off guard and not picked up the spiritual pressure.

"GET AWAY FROM MY SISTER!!"

Ichigo was charging towards them, dressed to kill in his shihakusho, and brandishing his zanpakuto.

"…Crap." said Hitsugaya.

He turned to exchange meaningful glances with Karin, who was standing there, flushing bright red.

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU, TOUSHIROU, YOU SNEAKY LITTLE-"

A long string of swear words that Karin never knew existed faded out into the distance as she and Hitsugaya made a run for it.

_I __hope you'll call me on the phone  
'cause I don't want to be alone  
Somehow you make this all okay,  
and all my problems go away.  
_

---

"…are you going back to Soul Society soon?" Karin asked quietly.

"Maybe," Hitsugaya said, walking beside her.

Karin stopped walking and pulled a scowling face.

"I'll miss you if you leave, you know," she said, not looking at him.

"I know. You'll bawl your eyes out like a baby." Hitsugaya smirked to himself.

"Shut up." Karin growled at him.

Hitsugaya shrugged good-naturedly and kept walking on ahead.

Karin stayed there, and didn't move; her dark eyes focused downwards.

Hitsugaya noticed that she wasn't following him, and turned around, wondering why.

"…Toushirou…" She was frowning at the ground, face flushed.

Hitsugaya blinked at her. She was so endearing to him. And he didn't want to talk about it, about what might happen in the future, when he'd have to leave. But he loved her so much, and even now… he wanted to tell her, wanted to show her so much what she meant to him, but there was no way he could ever describe it to her, no words he could find to use.

_So I'll just keep it__ all inside  
I guess I'm just that kind of guy.  
You're everything I want that's why,  
I never want to say goodbye_

"Karin…" he said.

Karin lifted up her head and looked at him.

Hitsugaya held out his hand to her.

Karin's eyes widened. And then she smiled so hard, the delightful adorable smile that he had wanted to protect all this time.

_I don't mind anymore. I know… that people have their reasons for coming and going. People like Mum, and Ichi-nii and you, Toushirou… It's hard, learning all this, all this growing up. But I… I don't mind trying to find the right steps forward. _

_I don't mind having to face this uncertain life… if I know that you are willing to hold my hand on the way. _

And Karin ran forward to grab Hitsugaya's outstretched hand.

---

_You'__re everything I want that's why,  
I never want to say goodbye_

**The End**

**Thankyou so much for reading!! There is so much to say about this fic, about this last chapter! The last chapter was a long time in the making, right? I'm sure you all know, it was due to come out a loooonnngg time ago! But last chapters are always the hardest to write, and it takes me a lot of effort and thought and time to work out the last parts, because I want so much for it to be carefully crafted to my standards, for it to end up well-polished and all that. **

**Sorry if you really desperately wanted Karin and Hitsu to kiss, eh? Hahaha!! Originally, the ending would've had Ichigo screaming and chasing after them as well, but I guess I ended it a bit more seriously, with a finishing thought on Karin's part. ^_^ **

**Song lyrics used!! The last song was ****Anti-Adieu**** by ****Eleventyseven****. The majority of this chapter- the big chunk at the beginning was so intense and important I couldn't bear to fit any lyrics in there. **

**If you wanna know the complete list of songs used in this fic, I'll be happy to tell you if you ask! Neither Bleach nor any of the music used is owned by me, they all belong to their respective owners! **

**Thankyou once again for reading!! Thankyou so much for the overwhelming support and plentiful reviews, everyone! And much thanks to YOU, the reader for sticking all the way through to the end!! emichii. ^_^ **


End file.
